Hello again
Tonight mom was very emotional, wanting be be very close to me. She was leaning as close as she could get to me. I tired to straighten her up so she could eat properly without choking. Or me spilling things all over her.
Mom was greatly affected by the passing of her roommate. It is hard, even though the never spoke. But mom knew that she did not have that many visitors and that her children were not around much or came in and left right away. Even though they knew she was at the end of her life. Mom saw this and reflects on her own life. How I am the only one that is their for her.
That her daughters don't spend anytime with her. Well the one does come once a week and the other, not at all. This mom sees and is comparing it to her roommate. Who didn't get to have her family around her. To say their goodbyes.
This was mentioned to them, that it was time. This means have everyone come together and say what they need to say. And show her love.
Mom saw this unfolding about her. It is a shame that this happens. I know I am the only one their who spends the time with their loved one. And have been throughout mom's stays at the various places she has lived over the last 6 years..
Mom's and my own mortality has come to the forefront. It is hard to see this. She passed away with mom and I around her. At least someone was in the room for her. And mom knew this. And knows this.
I say again, that one does not wish this disease on anyone and to watch the decline and death of someone with this disease is a terrible thing. And to see two of your loved one's pass from this disease is even more heart breaking.
I kept letting mom know that I am their for her and will always be their for her. I will be by her side no matter what. And I needed mom to understand this. So I kept giving her hugs and kisses. This she wanted. Mom wanted to be loved today and I made sure that this happened. So mom won't feel alone. Even though she knows her daughters aren't around.
Which is a shame. I can't get a hold of them. Don't know their phone numbers. And I tell you the truth. I am glad I don't have their numbers. They know how to get a hold of me. In fact all the relatives know how to get in touch with me.
But I am ostracized by the family. They, like everyone else, think I should be working full time and not spending so much time with mom. And being her advocate. Yet again, if I don't do this, no one else in my family will. And just let mom be abused by all. To let everyone walk all over her.
This is why I do what I do, and obviously no one gets this. It is very apparent as I don't talk to anyone or get any help from anyone. No one. Not a single family member or friend. OOP's that is right I have no friends left anymore. Because no one can deal with what I deal with everyday.
No one wants to her bad news or her about someone dieing.
Now I only have a 10 days to pay the balance of the rent.
I need to go. It is only 11:00 pm on Saturday. But I am very tired. It was an emotional day for mom and I.
GOD bless and good night.
Kris Schmuland
