Hello again
I have no idea what I am doing. Does GOD want me to work right now. It doesn't seem that way, but if I don't work I don't live in a home. I become homeless. This is something I can't deal with. It is hard to deal with all the illnesses that I have, let alone moving again. Especially since I can't do the moving myself. I can't lift anything. Just making dinner tonight caused me to have pins and needles in my arms and face. My neck is just killing me lately. I think going downtown in the cold and snow has had some serious affects on me.
All I did today is just think back, taking care of mom and it being easy. I lived, not well, but I lived, I had somethings. I have more things now, but they are just things. Easily replaced. Well not that easy to replace.
I can't seem to sell the little I have left to sell. Everyone wants something for dirt cheap. I can't sell my things for that cheap...
I am looking for another place, not being successful at doing this.I am happy here, if only I had a job, my disability, anything.
I did nothing today, except go to church. I spent allot of time just walking around, resting and walking again. Nothing else to do and no bus fare to get anywhere. The problem with this is I need a bus pass for this month. I have so many appointments to go to. 8 that I know of so far, maybe more. Plus support groups for the different aliments that I have. I need someone to speak with. My pastors don't seem to want to speak with me, but they want me to stay at the church.
The one thing I feel like is I am garbage,that people look at me as I am just a piece of nothing. Nobody wants to speak with me, nobody wants to touch me. What I have is not infectious. People just want to avoid speaking with the poor person who has nothing, is nothing and nobody wants. I haven't been touched in a very long time. Sure the placid hug, but to really be touched and cared for by someone, this never happens to me.
I feel that I don't have much time left,I am not trying to kill myself, I think life is trying to do this to me. I just don't know what my future holds. Nothing goes right in my life, even thought I try and try and try. The only good thing I have done is take care of my mother. I have no idea why this is happening to me. I haven't done anything wrong. I try to be good to everyone. But I am alone and it seems this is the way it is going to be. Without anyone to even bother with me. This is the way my life is. No one even bothers to speak with me, as if I am a piece of garbage.
I need to go again.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
#409-15216 North Bluff Road
White Rock, BC
Canada, V3B0A7
https://www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
https://www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
