Hello again
I over did it yesterday and my neck is not doing well. And the neck brace is the wrong brace for me. It rests on the spot that is injured, not covering it and supporting it. So I now have to start looking for a hard brace, not the soft one I have now. I looked for this, knowing I needed the other. I just could not find one. I guess I didn't look hard enough.
I am cold now, just cold. I can't seem to warm up.
Well no one is even attempting to show me any kind of Christmas cheer. I went to church again today. I just went to the one I went to last week.What I noticed is that the church band doesn't play any music that is really inspirational. It is OK and slightly modern, but not uplifting or inspiring. It seems just monotone, I am use to uplifting music. I guess you can call it modern Christian music. Upbeat.
I will continue looking after Christmas.
I am not feeling it. The Christmas cheer. I can't even bring myself to wish anyone a Merry Christmas. I just can't do it. At all. I guess you get that from my attitude. Why would I have any other kind of attitude.
A week and a half before the day and nothing is getting better. In fact everything is getting worse off. I can't get out and do anything. No funds for the bus. I am not one to just sit and watch TV not my thing. Sure I have some TV shows I like, but I just can't sit and watch TV. I dislike commercials. What I download is commercial free. And no matter how many channels I have, there is nothing on that I wish to watch.
Not a single person spoke to me at the church today Not even a hello. So in and out I went. They spoke on giving money. It started out well enough. To give to help the community, but not this community. Some place in Uganda. Then spoke on the fact that they need another, well many many thousands of dollars to give to this place. There was no sermon today.
I am alone and it is starting to get to me. The couple I know won't come over to visit unless I am asking them over for dinner. I have nothing to offer them. They still have not asked me over for a dinner. Even though they know I am hurting. Broke. And without someone to even celebrate the holidays with.
I am running out of groceries. The fridge is looking very lonely. Even though I go to the food bank, they don't give enough for a single person to last any time at all. Yes I do very much appreciate the fact that I can go and at least get something.
Behind on everything.
I get that, but it is not even having someone to be with. Someone to understand what I am going through.
I have checked out how many resumes I have sent out and the amount of interviews I have been on. It is over 50 resumes I have sent out and 15 interviews that I have gone on. Everything goes well in the interviews until I open my mouth wide and they see my missing teeth and how bad my teeth are. That is the end of the interview. I mean just like that. Over.
So to say I am not looking or trying is,well, BS. I have no idea what is wrong. By now I should have the interview down pat.
Nothing and more of nothing I am becoming more and more depressed. Each and everyday. It is not very good.
I say I don't have cancer. But I do have a bleeding ulcer.I am happy I don't have cancer. But another thing that is upsetting. A bleeding ulcer is nothing to sneeze at.
It is hurting me to much to continue to type this evening. I need to go.
All I really do want is just one Christmas present to make me believe again. Haven't had a Christmas gift in, I would say 15 or more years.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
https://www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
https://www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
Below is my mailing address if anyone wants to send me a letter or whatever.
Kristopher Schmuland
# 409- 15216 North Bluff Road
White Rock BC. Canada
V4B0A7
