Hello again
Well it is getting very close to Christmas day and I am truly alone.Not a soul has contacted me. The few friends that I do have have not even mentioned about coming by for a visit. I have nothing, so that is why. Or I am just to depressing for anyone to deal with. Well come on....... I don't want to celebrate Christmas, the first Christmas without my mother. I am completely broke and have absolutely nothing.
It would be nice to have something. Anything. Better than nothing.Which by the way, is going to be exactly what is going to happen this Christmas.
Everything that is happening with this accident is getting worse. I am in extreme pain. I am having a hard time holding my head up. Well reading is difficult, both a book and my phone. Just typing is difficult. Just holding my arms out in the typing position causes pain in my neck. Just like I am a pain in your neck..........
I get sick and these headaches just don't go away. Again as mentioned the only comfortable position for me is flat on my back with a pillow supporting my neck.
Yea my depression is really bad. I miss my mother. I miss decorating her room and singing Christmas songs for her, I miss watching Christmas movies with her. And then there is the Christmas dinner I would of made for her. Now nothing. Just by myself and I really am by myself.
I have never experienced this before. No one around. No friends. No one to talk to or watch a movie with. Just alone. It is the strangest feeling. I am bored I am anxious, I am stressed out.I am in pain. Not just physically but emotionally as well. I am extremely tired. I am not sleeping. I want to sleep, but can't. I am hungry but I don't want to eat. I most of all want to have a conversation with someone. But it is not happening.
Even in church, I spoke with no one. OK I did state that no one spoke to me. It is a two way streak. I could just say hello to someone. Just to depressed to do that.
I want to hide from the world, but I want to be out and around people.
I need to work, but it seems that I don't have it anymore.
I am really freaked out about my neck. This is the first time I have ever experienced something like this before. And of course I have a member of the so called family, saying I am faking it. I just don't want to work. Let me see now. I can't hold my arms straight out in front of me with out getting a severe headache and back ache.
The worse part is that the typing position is killing me . I have this cervical collar but it is not doing what is suppose to do. It is my C spine that needs to be covered. Where the neck meets the shoulders.
I am seeing a physiotherapist tomorrow to have an assessment done to determine the correct cervical collar for my needs and take action to get it.. I just ran across them by accident . I was looking for this shop that has cervical collars and I walked into there and asked if they knew where it was. So tomorrow afternoon I see them. Good I guess.
But in the mean time, I am in pain. I can't help but repeat it over and over again. I am sure you are tired of hearing it.
Now I can't type anymore. I really can't do it.
Until the next time.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
https//www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
https://www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
Kristopher Schmuland
#409-15216 North Bluff Road
White Rock, BC,
Canada.
V4B0A7
