Hello again
I am just so upset, I have these medical issues and need certain medications to combat them, but they are not covered and I can't afford them. So I have to go without them. It is especially the diabetes that I am most concerned about. No matter what I do I just can't get it covered. And it is $49.00 a month for this drug that I need to take several times a day.
No idea what I am to do.
Now I was not going to write tonight, I needed to. I hurt like crazy today. I had to lie down several times today, just to feel better. Then I have my depression around Christmas. Not having my mother around, not having anyone around. I really do mean no one. I have always thought that I am personable. It just doesn't matter now. I can't even get a straight answer from pastors. Just the usual......
I hurt physically, but most importantly, it is emotionally that hurts the most. Depression, anxiety, and a whole slew of things.
I don't want to be alone at Christmas. I have never been alone before at Christmas. Sure I have been alone before, many times. But not during the holidays. I have no family.
I am sleeping less and less these days. I am so very tired, but that doesn't seem to matter. I take something to help me sleep. Yea, it lasts about 3 or 4 hours and then I am awake. In bed at 3 or 4 and up at 7 everyday. I try, if I can, to take a nap, That never happens. I don't want to sit here by myself, so I am out doing nothing. It is really bad now that it is cold outside. Places are only open so late, and if one does not have the funds to sit in a coffee shop. They walk the streets. I have to walk, no funds left on my bus card. It is very slippery on the sidewalks,so I walk slowly. Which make me even colder. Tonight it is -9, that was at 9 pm when I finally got back. I did nothing for 5 hours. OK I did something. Froze my butt off.
I just don't get it. I really am trying to get it together. Earlier I applied for more jobs. Positions that I an do without having to lift anything. Another 6 today. 12 in the last two days. But no phone calls for an interview. Doesn't matter anyways, if I get a call or not. I simply can't get to the interview. I couldn't even take the bus back tonight, how in the world am I going to get to an interview and back.
OK today I did speak with this women I have know for a while, but never spoke to before. I had just seen her on the bus. This I would say was the best thing that I have done in a very long time. I had a good time speaking with her. We laughed and talked.
As I have said before, my days are not always full of 24 hours of bad. But the depression wins over in the end.
I need to stop now.
Thank you
GOD bless and good night.
Kris Schmuland
https://www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
https://www.gofundme.com/krisschmulnad
Kristopher Schmuland
#409- 15216 North Bluff Road
White Rock, BC
Canada.
V4B0A7
