Hello again
As the tittle of today's Blog states Bah Humbug.
Let us see now. I have no family to spend the holidays with
I have no friends to spend the holidays with
I have no money to do anything over the holidays with. Not even able to take a bus somewhere or have a cup of coffee/tea somewhere, yes that broke, over the holidays. Not even over the holidays. Now I can't even do that. I now have no money left on my bus card. I can't even buy myself a cup of tea anywhere.
The first year I am not spending the holidays with my mother. Who passed away this past January. Mom was my family and my only family.
Now I have none. Alone and lonely.
Now today, because of the snow, I had to keep looking down, my neck is just killing me. I have not eaten today and because of the pain. I am not hungry. I was going to make a nice dinner. Just not going to happen.
I am out and about today. Christmas is everywhere and I am not enjoying it at all. I just want to run and hide. I don't even want to go out and do anything. I don't want to see anything to do with Christmas
I have been to two Churches and spoken with the pastors. Telling them what is happening Nothing. One pastor tells me to leave my email and he will write me. No email, I call to speak with him and let him know I was at the church on Sunday. He never called me back. That give me allot of confidence in that church. They will do everything for the people who go to the church. But a person who is hurting and really needs some help or someone to be around. To maybe........ But nothing. I guess I won't be going to that church again. Not a single person reached out to me when I first went to either of these churches. Not a soul
When and where is this miracle everyone tells me that is going to come my way. I see nothing to even give me some direction. Or a person to say to me, how are you. Really how are you.
I thought that this time of the year, it is the time to reach out to your fellow man and console them or show them that everything is still OK.
I know that everyone doesn't get it or they just don't want to hear that someone is suffering. I know the only friends I have. They don't want to hear it. They where just telling me every good thing that is going to happen for them this season. All the people they are going to visit. Or the dinners they are going to And asking what I am going to do. They know what I am going to do. They know I am alone and lonely.
Just like everyone else.
So why should I even try. No one else is even considering that there is someone they know that has nothing and will be doing nothing No parties. No dinners. No nothing.
Yes pity me is what this sounds like. I just write what I am feeling. What is the truth.
I am hurting both physically and emotionally. And it seems that not a soul gives a crap. Not even the pastors or churches I have been too.
This is why I write like this. I am alone. For the first time in my life. I am truly alone.
I didn't get two more jobs I applied for. I have been to over a dozen job interviews, and I still don't have a job. I know it is because of my missing teeth .Everything is fine until I start to speak and then the interview changes. Very quickly.
What I need is new dentures.
What I need is a miracle.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
