Hello again
Well I finally got my cervical collar. I don't like it at all, but so far my neck is not as painful. Maybe that has something to do with the painkillers. No, just the same painkillers I have been taking for years. A mild painkiller for nerve damage. Gabapentin. Just an extra 2 per day. I am suppose to take 6 tablets a day. I may take two. With all the injuries I have had in my life, I am use to pain. Very high pain threshold. To many broken bones and accidents.
A friend laughs at me. Tells me I am cursed. That the insurance company will start to call accident claims the Kris Schmuland. "Oh you got into a Kris Schmuland". I find it funny as well. The one friend I have.
I have been in many accidents. None my fault. I have the max discount for car insurance, even though I have been in many car accidents. I even fractured my lower back in one of them. And having all these disorders, makes me more susceptible to serious injuries.
Look it is weird. I do not get colds or flues. At all. Never get sick. I could be and I have many times, walk in the pouring rain,and nothing. I just don't get sick. Period. But I get injured allot. No spleen, soft bones. The doctors don't understand it either. But I go by what the doctors tell me. I don't just make any of these things up. I see specialists and get treatment. Again I am not on here just saying oh I have this or I have that.
Some people. OK someone that is related to me, Keeps telling me I am making this up, there is nothing wrong with you. Everything that is wrong with me is BS. I am just making it up. Then they, it happened this week, go on to tell me what kind of a looser I am, that the family has written me off, that my, recently passed away mother, would be ashamed of me.
I tell you this, My mother was so proud of me for taking care of her for all those years. To be by her side every single day, no matter what. To not stop. To never give up on her.Where these people were never there for her. Didn't give a crap that my mother was suffering and alone. Well she wasn't alone, I was there. I was there to the very end. I was there holding my mothers hand when she passed away. I was the one who fought for rights. Even though everyone else wouldn't lift a finger to do anything to make sure mom was taken care of properly. They would rather let the crappy health care, staff, allot of them, take care of her. Over medicate her.If I didn't think mom should be taking a certain medication, she didn't take it.I would make sure it was stopped.
And I receive the proper information on the medication from very well know sources. Mayo Clinic, Johns Hopkins.Berkley etc.. I would email them or call them. I knew what I was doing.
Then they go on to tell me that I am not intelligent. That I am stupid. Just a looser who thinks himself something he is not. Well having a high IQ doesn't mean I have it together. And I have my IQ tested often. From reputable sources.
And they would not stop. You see I don't care if they like me or not. I don't care if any member of that family likes me, or has written me off. I have not had anything to do with them in over a decade. This is why I say I have no family, I am alone without any support structure at all. And it is the truth. And this Christmas will suck. It has nothing to do with them. It has to do with the fact that this is the first Christmas without spending it with my mother. The first Christmas I will be alone.This is difficult to deal with. It is making me very depressed.
I am sure someone understands. I then tell them that I write this blog Oh yea, read it as well. And the blog has been read almost 50000 times, for all over this planet. They proceeded to inform me that there must be allot of sick people out there to read this. I will hear about this
This has been difficult for me to write tonight. I have needed to take many breaks to get this far. Over an hour so far. I will finish though. Even if it takes me another hour.
Now I am in pain, I am depressed. I do, however, have moments through out my day where I do laugh and smile. Or have a conversation with someone. But not friends. Don't have them.
I can no longer take the bus anywhere. No money left on my bus card. I used it up yesterday going for a job interview. Yes even though I am hurt and my doctor tells me I can't work. I went. How am I going to pay my bills. I am broke and without everything. At least when I had a full monthly pass on my card I could just get on the bus and go somewhere if I was bored or just needed to get out.
Now I am done for the night. Tomorrow
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
https://www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
https;//www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
