Hello again
It is two weeks today that mom passed away and I am no closer to grieving than before. I am so upset that my sister's did what they did and that mom's ashes will now just sit for, who knows how long.
As I stated, nothing will be done with the ashes until the will is probated and executed. And this as we know could take a very long time. Especially since the two sisters don't want me to have mom's ashes.
The two sister's who were never there for there mother in over 10 years. I could go back further and let y'all know what happened before mom and dad got sick. But another time. Oh wait, I am sure I wrote about this before.
I have continued to ride the bus at night, not getting back until my normal time. I just ride the bus and sky train, going nowhere really. I go out to White Rock. See a few people I do know out there.
I walk around, just aimlessly. No where to go.
I have no one to talk to about what I am going through. I talk to mom, I talk to GOD. I talk to myself. I sit and read the bible on my phone.
I can't afford my usual tea right now, so I am drinking just plain tea. It is fine. Tea is tea. OK it is not.. But right now this is OK.
I never realized how lonely I actually am. I always had my mother. I was always there taking care of her.
My day and life was to take care of my mother. To make sure she was well taken care of and that mom had the best that I could give her.
Now I am lost and the hurting is only getting worse as the days drag on.
I do see a grievance counselor Monday afternoon. And in the morning I am going to a support group for Parkinson's disease. And tomorrow I will attend the church down the street
The first time I have attended church in a very long time. OK about 6 years or so. I think. I do like the pastor at this united church. I was at a pancake supper last Tuesday. Palm Tuesday. The first day of Lent
I am just doing not much. I can't seem to find the strength to even get a good nights sleep. I lay in bed and just can't fall asleep.
Yet I have so much to do, but nothing to do. I just want to take care of mom. But not anymore
Everything reminds me of mom. The music we both liked. Even just walking through the mall. I used to walk through the mall and go into different stores to look for something for mom. Pass by someplace and see something. And say, that would be perfect for mom, mom would like that.
I keep getting emails from stores I use to shop at for mom. Sales that are on etc.....
These bring back memories.
It is very difficult for me.
I miss my mother greatly.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
