Hello again
Last night after I wrote my Blog, I went for a walk. And it was then that I realized how truly alone I was. Before my mother's passing, I was only alone when I left mom's home. I came back to this place, knowing I was going to be alone, with no one to talk to, connect with. But I knew the next day I was going to be with mom. I had mom.
Now she is gone. I still want to call the home and ask if they are sure mom is gone. To go and check her room. Knowing that last Friday mom was cremated. And is no longer with me.
SO I AM NOW ALONE. Not a soul to speak with, connect with, share with. Or even to just say hello to.
This besides missing mom, hurts the most. It is a very lonely feeling I have deep down in the pit of my stomach. I feel it through out my entire body.
A oneness with no one. An emptiness, a desperation. A depression that is getting deeper by the day. Loneliness is painful to my core. I am a loss. I am at the end of my rope.
Over the years I lost all my friends. First I lost allot of them when I quit drinking and smoking pot. Not really my friends. But the other's who were actually my real friends, so I thought, just slipped away....
Without even a phone call. Just gone.
They all thought I was crazy for doing what I was doing. Dedicating my life to take care of my mother. Someone had to. GOD forbid my sisters would do anything for mom. The cash dried up and there love dried up for mom....
Can't get anything from her now, so we live a busy life so we can't go and see her.
I did, every single day. And guess what I didn't have a car, so I took the bus. 3 hours each way. Very long days.
I WOULD NEVER CHANGE THAT FOR ANYTHING. It was the best decision I ever made.No one can take that away from me.
I just wish all of those individuals at the home would of thought to reach out to me. After all I was part of their life for over 4 1/2 years.
So now I am truly alone. My phone doesn't ring. Sure I get all of these, Blank is now following you on Twitter, or blank is asking me to accept their friendship on Facebook.
Not real friends. They don't want to step up and give me a hand, however so small is all I ask. Just so I can get mom's ashes.
This is the one thing that is bothering me the most right now. Not letting mom's ashes just sit on a shelf somewhere, for who knows how long.
I blame my sister's and will never forgive them for this. They are EVIL, no other way to describe them. But EVIL.
I hope that GOD punishes them for there actions. To not even help look after your mother and then expect everything your way.
I NEED YOUR HELP TO STOP THIS MADNESS AND TO RESCUE MY MOTHER!
https://www.gofundme.com/ka556fdk
GOD bless you all for I am not able
Kristopher Schmuland
