Hello again
Today was just a day, I did not know what to do with myself. I just cleaned up a bit. There is allot to clean here. Since the other's who live here don't clean at all. Just swipe occasionally.
Since mom passed away I have not been eating that much at all. I am feeling it. Yet the kitchen is a mess and everywhere else. I am not even here and when I am I am in my room. Writing, thinking, being alone. Here and everywhere else.
For the first time in my life it dawned on me that I am completely and truly alone. Before I had my mother with whom I spoke with everyday. But now, I have no one. Not even a grief counselor. I was able to get the number of a psychologist, but I can't get to see them for two months. In the mean time, yes now, is when I need someone the most. Yes two months from now, I will still need to talk to someone, but really.
Everything reminds me of mom. I was about to buy flowers for her, yesterday. Maybe I already said this to you. And I was at the cashier, before I realized, I was buying flowers for no one. I could not even get them to put beside her urn.
I don't have it!
That is the part that really bothers me. The sister's just don't get it. I spent the last ten years of my life taking care of my mother. Everything I did was for her. My days were spent just looking for things for her, Picking up her fruit, her chocolates, her dessert. Coming back at night and making a dinner for her. Getting her lotions and hair care products. But not just getting them. I hunted for the best price for them, so I could use what I saved to get mom some more clothing. Something nice for her to wear.
I wanted mom to always look good. She always had nice clothing. Good quality and cotton. I shopped at a few stores and the staff all new me and would tell me when the sales are on and put things aside for me.
I had allot of people helping me out with mom's life. Well not helping me take care of her, but giving me good prices and deals on things. Extra samples of the cosmetics she liked.
I wrote all sorts of companies, for products that mom loved. To get samples of different things.
But now I sit alone, I sit just craving attention from someone, anyone. Just someone to sit with me and listen to all of this.
Yes I love to write this and I think it is great that people from all over this planet have read my Blog. And so many times. Not like other Blogs, but this is of a sensitive nature.
I am trying to do all I can with the forms for the Supreme Court. I found a place to help me fill them in, but I still need legal help doing the rest. I will do all I can. B
But I still need your help. Please assist me with a small donation.
Even $1.00 or $5.00 all will help.
https://www.gofundme.com/ka556fdk
Please find it in your hearts to help this cause out.
Thank you
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
