Hello again
Today was not a good day either. I missed church,as I was up to late. Just couldn't fall asleep. It was after 4 am the last time I looked at the clock. Didn't get up until noon. Then I had to pack and move things around, to another room.
I am moving. Now, after mom has passed away, is when I find a place in White Rock. This is another thing that is causing me to become even more depressed. And I feel it coming on.
I have never felt this way before. I hurt and it is getting worse for me.
I have no closer thanks to my sisters. Mom should be sitting on my dresser, so I can talk to her. I feel so alone and it is not getting any better. I really only had mom in my life, no one else. And I only realized it after mom passed away.
I need to move and the individual who said they were going to help, canceled at the last minute. OK Saturday morning. Some would say I deserve this. and that would be the sisters and their families. Maybe others, I am not sure.
I have no idea how to do anything right now. I am just confused and in shock still of my mother's passing. Maybe that is why I can't grieve. I am in shock and can't understand anything. I do need to speak with someone. But I need to get moved.
I am writing with no intent. Just writing. I want to sit with my mother, I want to talk to her, I want to hold her hand and give her a big hug.
Everyday, when I wake up I just start calling the home. As I did everyday when I woke up. Just to see how she is doing. And nothing has changed. Except this time, when I get the operator at Peace Arch I have to apologize to her. The operator tells me it is OK, don't worry about it. Very nice lady.
I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't just sit here,I have to go and go nowhere. Just ride the bus in a big circle.
OK I am done for tonight. I have to get up early and get some more boxes and make allot of phone calls.
Please help me out with any donation you can. Any amount.
https://www.gofundme.com/ka556fdk
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
