Hello again
I write this tittle today as I am feed up with all this BS. I am hurt. I was not my fault and they, the insurance company, act like I did something.
I can't even get money from them to go to physiotherapy. So I guess it is lawyer time. It will cost them way more if I do indeed hire a lawyer.
Not a good day. My stomach is still upset and I am very hungry and I am not, but still can't eat much. I tried some lemon in my tea. What a mistake that was. The pain the pain. And it is not like I don't have groceries.
Only crackers and cheese since last Thursday. Noting else. My stomach can't handle it.
Today was a day of mostly using my left arm, to sore to use my right arm. From feeding mom to her spa treatment. To lighting my smoke.
Yes I smoke, I don't drink, lost to many people, well one in particular, and to many things.Never a bad drunk, just always wanted to drink. Many many years since I quite. I don't do drugs, OK, I only smoked pot. But quite that, when I quite drinking. Don't miss either of them.
I am feeling like I have something hanging on my right side. I used it a little bit, but hurt to much to continue to use my right arm.
I can use it a little bit, holding on to things etc.. etc...
I am getting better at typing with just my left hand. I just wish I could write with my left arm. I use to take notes all the time, write ideas for poems or poems themselves. Ideas for a book I am writing. But haven't been able to do this since this accident.
Enough about me.
Mom had her hair done today. Took more pictures of her. Will start taking more each and every day. I need them.
The smile on her face when she see's me is unreal. I love it. We went to her room so I could get everything for dinner and mom wanted to go to bed. I said not yet it is dinner and then we will do this.
I gave her a little bit of all the drinks she likes and has. Went out to our table and prepared her dinner. Great fish and rice, plus mushrooms and a nice dip. Plus the usual, avocado. And her dessert Papaya, gold kiwi and her Lindt chocolate. Everyday she gets her 3 pack of Lindt chocolate.
Did the dishes, and mom was falling asleep while I did them. So I hurried and got mom to her room, changed her, brushed her teeth, wiped her nose. By the time I did this the care aid came in and put her to bed, while I was making some hot water for my tea.
I quickly gave mom her spa treatment, which she enjoyed with a smile on her face. When this was done, mom reached her hand out for mine, and started to fall asleep. Of course the nurse woke her up to give mom her medicine. It was OK, it gave me a chance to give mom some more to drink before she fell asleep again.
I stood there and just watched some TV and listened to the music for a while, making sure mom was completely asleep before I left for the journey back. Sang her our good night song, gave her a kiss good night, packed up and walked up town to wait for the bus. 3 hours later here I am, one handed typing to all of you.
When I am with mom I talk and talk to her. I sing to her. I watch her to see what she is saying. I listen to her. I am there for her. Mom knows this.
Thank you for reading this. I do appreciate it very much. Continue please and let others know about it.
I was on line and thinking about the one I lost, due to my drinking. Remember, I just wanted to drink all the time. So I did some searching and found what be her phone number, address in London Ontario, where she moved to. Don't know what I want to do with this information.
Write to her, not write to her. I loved her, and she said she loved me. But I am in no position to even... Well in societies standards, I am a loser. Zero. I have nothing going for me.
She did say, at one point, when we were talking, that she would move back if someone came and got me. That was a decade ago. This is what I mean by not knowing if I should write her or not.
I really would like to know how she is, if she is married with kids. How her twin sister is and her child.
Anyways I have been so busy traveling 3 hours each way to take care of mom, I haven't even dated in a long time. To busy and no one understands what and why I am doing what I am doing. I do. I am taking care of my mother who raised me, took care of me when I was sick. Believe me I was in and out of the hospital allot. Much better now. Except for these problems.
So what I am really saying is. Do I bother her for my sake. Am I writing to see if there is still something there. Or is it just wishful thinking on my part. I am writing for closure. Since I never got it a decade ago. We just lost touch with each other.
Dad got sick and things happened, I started to help out dad and mom got sick and I got into a few car accidents. And then time just passed by.
I need to free up those 6 or more hours in my day to start getting well. To start building a life in White Rock. Close to mom, by the beach. Spend more time writing. Getting active again with some sort of social life. Bringing mom and her aunt over for dinners. They, mom and her aunt, are close in age and her aunt lives very close to mom. As well as mom's aunts, my great aunts, daughter. Who would have to come, as she needs to bring my great aunt over.
Maybe even get a TV or a stereo. Wow, wouldn't that be something. To watch movies with others. A social life.
Mom needs me to be closer to her. That is a given. She needs to get out of that dam place and see something else.
I feel so guilty for not being able to take mom all over the place and let her see the world again. It breaks my heart.
This is what the move is about. Mom only has so much time left. She has dementia and has had a major stroke. And there is no cure for either of these illnesses.
I need to grow up and do something. Or just get off of my ass and do something. I run an add on Craigslist for a place, I look in the local papers. I ask around. The main problem is lack of money.
I was just going to start to write Representation agreements for seniors and their families. This would of made me a little extra money on the side. But I need to be able to take copious amounts of notes. If I can't use my right arm properly and can't write with it. I can't do this.
Well I rambled on allot more than I thought I would. Again I did not even know I had this much to say tonight. I thought I would write a few words about this day.
Need to go write on my pain journal and have some more crackers. I am getting so sick of not being able to eat. I WANT A MEAL! Not yet.
I don't even know what to do about the product I got sick from. Call them and tell them there product made me very sick for days.
To many things to do.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
