Hello again
So it is official, I know have keys to my new place, that is empty and looks like it will stay that way, I will be sleeping on the floor, eating on the floor, Oh wait, no plates or cups, glasses. Sitting on the floor.
Working on the floor, And it has new carpeting, it even smells bad. I am not a fan of carpeting, but the price is right.
Anyways I am very depressed and tired. I am trying not to bring it in when I am visiting with mom. Thank GOD that I have some will power.
Mom tonight was very tired again, and barely ate again. I am getting worried about her. She is eating, but not much. All she wants to do when I get their is go to bed. It is 4 pm when I get their. Mom did eat some taco pie I made for her. And a bit of the chicken kabob I brought her. She only ate a very little of the sinko pear I had for her with the Asiago cheese, she loves this. But mom usually eat a whole Asian pear. I have pudding and nothing. She didn't want even this.
I hope she doesn't know I am stressed out and freaking out about this move. I only told her I am moving to be closer to her. To get her out and over for a visit and maybe a night or two. I need to get her a lift reclining chair. So I can get her out of her wheel chair and into a much more comfortable chair, to relax.
I am very, very worried about mom and not eating properly Mom loves the spa treatment. Maybe I should start feeding her in her bed, so she may be more comfortable. I couldn't sit in that chair all day long. It is not comfortable. I have tired it out. Not comfortable at all.
Mom is drinking enough. I make sure of this. I am going to try just fruit tomorrow. I had Ensure, she did drink this and a couple of them a day. Or more. We went through quit a few of them.
I will try. But mom does smile and is very happy to see me. And I look forward to being closer to her. I then will try to get my full disability and a part time job in my field of study. Until I get my hip and knee fixed. Then maybe, I don't know, I need to spend more time with mom than I am doing now.
Summer might be here soon, and I can take her out and down to visit her aunt, my great aunt.
So the PGT had made many promises, to help me with my dentures. Yes I have dentures. I have stated that I have no spleen and one of the side effects of this, is weak bones and that my teeth just broke apart, very easily. So since my early twenties I have had at least a partial denture and then in my thirties almost a whole set.
Now because of my extreme weight loss, they no longer fit properly and this also makes it hard to eat. Even though I have no funds to eat. But the PGT had said that they would help me out with this. I can only get $1000.00 paid towards them. And it is allot more, to be precise, an extra $3500.00. So I have wrote him and said that I would rather have these funds to furnish this new place and get mom a lift chair. Which she needs when she comes over.
But he has deigned this ever happened. Though I have the emails to prove this to the contrary. And he just doesn't get this. I have given up everything for my mother and am very happy about this as well. And I will continue to give up even eating, clothing that fits etc..... But I need to furnish this place. As mom needs to have a place she can go too. And a place where we can have people over to visit. As in her aunt and my cousin, her brother and my sister's and their families.
I write him all the time lately, and will continue to do this. As, making promises to someone who remembers most things is not a good idea.
Mom needs this place as much as I do, and everything that it will bring to her life. The pleasure it will bring, the peace of mind. The getting out for visits and possibly over night stays. OK yes to over night stays.
Mom lets me get her into her night gown, already. So this is not a problem. Mom, I know will let me take her to the washroom. I wash her mostly already.
So I cannot even explain what I am feeling right now. Extremely depressed, tired, anxious, very nervous. I am excited. I am looking forward to this. But I can't live with nothing.
So blah, blah and blah. And blah!
I have been on the phone to all and nothing. I am running out of places to phone to actually get some assistance.
Anyways 1:03 am and going to bed. Not even hungry and haven't been as of late.
So, so nothing.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
I need to finish packing and I am not even motivated to do this. I have to find a way of moving, but not motivated. Need to clean up and make sure the room is clean. Not motivated.
