Hello again
Yes I was happy when visiting mom and then when I left I became very depressed. I love my mother, I truly do. But I am lonely. It is not when I am with her, it is when I leave. I am by myself again, with no one to come home too. And talk too. I see all these couples, and I know it has been over 15 years, since I had that.
I flirt and then do nothing, so I hang my head with disbelief, that I did nothing. Then I get depressed again.
So mom barely ate anything for dinner, I could not bring her anything. As I am without. And what they served was not good for mom. I tried to get her to eat. But no luck. I brought her my everything salad. Mom ate a little of it, not enough to keep he healthy. Mom is very tired when I get their. Her eyes are tearing from burning. She is thirsty, for lack of liquids during the day. This is apparent, for the mung on the sides of her mouth.
I give her liquid, her favorite drink. I really tried tonight. I was very sad because of this. If mom does not eat, she is going to get really sick. I don't know what to do. I need, first to get their earlier so maybe she will eat. The day light saving time messed her up. The darkness at her dinner time, is not good. Mom wants to go to bed. But it is to early for mom to go to bed.
I need groceries so I can get mom eating, and eating on a regular basis'. And not just picking at her food.
I know I need a jacket and clothing, but I would give this up, just so I can get mom eating again. I will just deal with it. Some how.
I would love to able to do both, get some winter clothing and get groceries so I can cook for mom and bring it to her everyday. Mom loves my cooking, as I have mentioned. I say this without reservations to my GOD and I pray this to HIM as well.
I really need some help, from someone.
I am extremely lonely, living without company or companionship and have done this for a very long time. I know my mother wants me to have a relationship. Mom brings it up. She triesto get me connected with some of the staff. But not going to happen. Nobody I am interested.
I know mom does not want me to be alone anymore. I keep telling her I am fine. Mom is always asking me why I keep wearing the same thing. I tell her I am fine and this keeps me warm. I am wearing all of what I own everyday to keep warm.
But I digress, mom needs to eat, more than I need to keep warm and my feet dry. I will die for mom and that is all that is to it.
I try to tell the guy at the PGT and all he tells me is that the hospital has food and they should be feeding her. Yes they have dinner for her. Yet it is still hospital food. And either way, mom is not eating. And what ever it takes, mom has to eat. Whether he likes it or not. It is mom's money and if I need groceries to get her healthy, than that is what it takes.
Lately, I have not even had the desire to eat. Nothing does it for her. Even chicken wings or even ice cream. Nothing is making me want to eat. I just don't want to eat. Nothing at all. I just want to it nuts and that is it. I don't even want the salad I make. It and everything else does not even taste good. I am fine without eating.
Now to get mom eating again. I really need help with this one. But of course this is not going to happen. No one gives a shit about my mother's feeling and what happens to her. Even her family. And me, nobody has cared about me, in, well. Ever and I guess this is OK. It will have to be and has been. My mother's life is more important then mine.
I need to get mom healthy and eating dinner, whatever it takes.
GOD and good night
Kris
