Hello Again
It is a time of the year that I hate. I don't hate anything, except Christmas. Kris would love to have something nice for himself, something cool, enjoyable.Something to say, hey Kris you are doing a great job caring for your mother, keep it up. Here this is for you. Or here go get what it is you want, and don't worry about the price. Within reason of course.
I have not had a Christmas that I have enjoyed, most of my life,. Never in my life, actually. I always enjoyed spending time with my parents. But I have always been alone at this time of the year. Or just never. Blah Blah Blah.
I just want a great Christmas for a change. GOD knows my dream and what I really want for HIM to provide the miracle for .
That is between HE and I. It involves my mother in a big way. Don't get me wrong, I love doing what I am dong and will never stop doing it. I just wish I had some help and someone to talk too once in awhile. Come on. I don't speak to anyone during the day.
Today, was not a good day for my leg. I have been in constant pain all day long. To the point that sitting on the bus was becoming increasingly difficult. My leg was starting to shake, No matter what position I sat in I could not get comfortable and the pain would not and has not gone away.
Last night I made mom dinner, I got a few dollars.m And I made mom, fresh pasta, with my pasta machine. I made her mushroom and asiago cheese ravioli. And chicken Parmesan. With a rose sauce. I put the rest of the dough and sauce in the freezer. I have not been hungry at all lately. I just want my tea. So I am not eating. Not hungry.
Well mom absolutely loved this and ate everything. So mom will eat but not the crap they are feeding her. Mom had a smile on her face the whole time and when she was finished, mom just did that wow thing. And I stoped and got her a milkshake and she drank the whole thing.
It was great to see her eat. And tonight I made her ribs and home chips. Again loved it.
Now at 6:30 pm every night, all the staff disappeared, just like at Valley View. Just gone. There could be 100 staff members and at this time everyone goes away.
I did not write anything last evening as my Christmas depression is kicking in. What my dad taught me was to never trust anyone, as they will always let you down. If you want something done, do it yourself. Nobody is going to help you. If you rely on people for help, don't. It will never happen. People are to selfish to help. Even if it is life or death. Or you desperately need someone to help. Don't you will be waiting a very long time. You will grow old and grey waiting.
I am finding this out. I have asked and asked over and over again and nothing. My father was absolutely right. I made a promise to my father to make sure mom is looked out for. To do everything I can for her. No one gets it, and I will do it forever if I have to. Allot of people read this blob and at this time when I really need someone. Not a soul. I can talk to mom but it is not the same.
I don't get to have conversations with anyone during the day. My roommate is nice but he is just a kid and I can't even talk to him. So I go day's without a conversation with someone.
I have not had something good happen in my life in years. I have not bought anything for myself in a billion years. No entertainment of any kind. And I am OK with being at home. But would like a nice TV. And I love listening to music, but not on a crappy system either. That is why I don't listen to music right now.
I will give everything I have to mom and only the best for mom is the way I think.
But at this time of the year, I would like some really good things as well. New clothes, a TV, new TV stereo system, Blue Ray. Groceries etc.. I would love a car, but this is asking to much and is last on my list of things.
But as I said, if you rely on people to do this for me, think again. No amount of me doing good is going to make this happen. No amount of correcting this wrong is going to help me make any of this happen for me;.
It is a shame and I wish it were not this way. I wish that I would wake up and in front of my door would be everything and more, of what I ask for.
But as my father said, do not rely on anyone.
I have to go now. I am tired. And I am still not hungry. I just want my tea.
"Take the first step in faith. You don't
have to see the whole staircase.
Just take the first step."
- Martin Luther King Jr.
