Hello again
Today the wind was bad, I was standing waiting for a bus and the wind was howling through. And everyone in the line up was all wrapped up and looked at me with the look, Are you nuts, where is your gloves and jacket and scarf. I just said to them. " This is what I have and so this is what I wear, if you want to throw me some money to buy winter clothing, be my guest" And that what I told them exactly.
I am not going to hold back when everyone is looking at me. And saying things about me. So I just tell it like it is. But that was in Richmond and then in White Rock, the wind chill was worse. The lower Mainland is not known for this kind of weather. It gets cold, but not until January, and for only two weeks. And a wind chill. What is that. This is what we say. We are not use to any kind of tempartures like this. You know -3 with a wind chill making it feel like -20. I have seen people so wrapped up, only their nose is showing. It is funny.
So I deal with it. It is just the way it is. When things change, then I guess that is when I will have boots and a jacket etc...
I arrived in White Rock and the first thing mom did was bring the same thing up. And asked why I am wearing the same black soft shell black pull over. I told her it was clean, I just washed it. And mom this is all I have. I did, however, wear most of what I own.
So they served a cabbage roll, that mom cannot stand. I brought mom a nice pasta and chicken dish. With a salad of course. Mom was very happy and put her hand on my cheek, and smiled at me with a loving smile. I was overwhelmed with emotion's. I love it when mom does this. She leaned forward for a hug and kiss. I obliged. And mom ate her dinner. More and more each day. She eats what I make, but not what the hospital serves. Well mom has always enjoyed my cooking. I wanted to cook a chicken, but the store only had chicken in two or three packs. I can't afford $25.00 for chicken. I can't afford even the groceries I am buying. But to make sure mom eats and gets the proper nutrition, I will go without,everything and anything. I need mom to stay healthy. And if that means going without. So be it.
I did manage to get mom a nice desert and mom ate most of what I brought and have her cake/tarte I brought. And of course her favorite chocolate Fearro Rochette. I don't even know if that is the correct spelling. But whatever.
So after dinner spa treatment time. Last night I did not get to finish her arms and hands. As mom was so tired, that her eyes were watering and she was tired. Mom got upset, because she wanted to go to bed right then and there. I can understand why, the boredom alone would drive me nuts. Not being able to do anything or go anywhere. What a great life. Work all your life, save, raise a family and then, because of some doctors, who don't know what they are talking about. Sticks you into a home and that is it. Your family abandons you. Coming to visit once in a while. They don't take you anywhere. Or in my mother's case. Don't take the time to realize that she can actually communicate with you. And you are just to lazy to try to understand her. You speak to them as if they were babies. Come on know. Is this anyway to treat the person who raised you. Or to your sister. Mom has a brother.
And to not even fight for the rights of my mother. This just insults my intelligence. Mom can and will learn to walk and talk again, with my guidance and treatment plan. But I have to have her live with me for this to take place. This is the only way. I know I am right. And I know how to do this, and what alternative treatment to put mom on.
I have been around and studying this disease for over 12 years now, and I think I know a thing or two about Alzheimer's Dementia. After all I completely switched my profession. Well not my profession, but the discipline in which I will undertake. And what I mean is to look for a cure and to find a way of extending the life and well being of , first my mother and then other's.
This depends on, my frame of mind after mom passes away. If I can't take it. Well I am going the way of the doo doo bird. Extinct. Say good bye to this world.
Lets face it. If it were not for my mother, I would of taken my own life a long time ago. I am extremely lonely.
I have not been in a relationship in over 15 years. And barely have had any dates. Maybe three. I don't know what the problem is. I do know that allot of women flirt with me. But I am shy. Not really, I am broke and that is that. The end of the flirting for me. It goes no further. My whole life is dedicated to my mother. And there is no amount of money in the world which can take the place of my mother gently placing her hand on my cheek. With the love and affection that is behind it. And the thank fullness for being there for her. Just writing it. Makes my heart, swell up with emotions.
I am a very lucky man, to have a mother like I do. And I will not stop what I do for anything. I only, feel affection and warmth, from being around her. I feel like my life actually has meaning. Which when I leave the hospital. That feeling disappears.
I am back to my same old boring life. Trying to figure out how to get, warm clothing, cloths, period. A car to get out to White Rock more easily. Giving me free time to pursue adsaac and Angels Answers. As well trying to figure out whether I to move to White Rock or not
Yes I am having second thoughts about this. As I live right at the foot of a mountain. And trees are every where and lakes and natural beauty. As in my raccoons, crows and the squirl I feed on a regular basis'
The mother raccoon, just brought her little one over to show me. The crows did the same. They are here everyday and are not afraid of me. The raccoons will eat right close to me. Within 2 feet. And the crows, well they are a different thing. They are almost coming right up to me. Soon they will.
This I cannot get in White Rock. No mountains at all. They have the ocean, but so do I. And I could, literally, get a ride to the top of West Wood Plateau and from there walk and hike for 2 months without seeing people.
But I digress. I am the luckiest man alive. And I am so thankful my mother is letting me look after her and be their for her Amen
I really need to go, it is 2:31 am and bed it is.
GOD Bless and good night
Kris
"Strength does not come from winning
Your struggles develop your strength.When you go through hardship
and decide not to surrender,
that is strength."
