Hello again and again
Today I have sat on the bus and meditated on GOD and the word alone. How is applied to my life. Being lonely stops the moment I step out the door. I can have many conversations with all sorts of people along the way to White Rock.
Now being alone, is a different thing, I am alone, no family, no friends, no girlfriend or wife or children. Nothing and nobody to be their for me when I really need it. And I need some of this now.
Zulfiya, was my girlfriend, for all extensive purposes. That is what we agreed on. And I think I just broke up with her. Well no word from her since I told her not to come over here. But I really did want her to come. I wanted to see her, besides in pictures. I wanted to get to know her more intimately. It is not about sex. An intimant relationship is more than sex. It is about passion, comfort and feelings.
Which I have not had any feelings about anyone in a very long time. A very long time. I have turned the switch off. And the only person I aloud to feel for is my mother. Now I really have feelings for this person. Even though we have never met in person before. This was going to be our first meeting face to face. In person. I was and am afraid.
Not having my own place and furniture and the word money (evil word) I have lost someone who I have been communicating with for some time now.
And when I described the women I want to be with. Well Zulfiya is pretty dead on. I wanted an intelligent women. Blonde hair, blue eyes, attractive, in good shape. 5.6. inches tall. to 5.7 inches. (Sorry about the period. I pressed a key and now some keys are french, I have not figured out how to turn it off.) That is what Zulfiya is. She is as I described above. When I asked GOD about this. I did not specify where she should be from. With GOD you have to ask for things exactly. I am not complaining.
You know I here about he stories about people how have been only communicating on line and then finally meet. The magic, the nervousness, the excitement. And then the eye to eye contact. What do you do. Do you run to her. Do you just stand their and look at each other in a dumbfounded way. Am I to give her a huge hug and big kiss. This is the part that is the most exciting. That airport meeting.
And I blew it. It is because I don't live on my own and I have no furniture of my own. I has been lost, stolen, and burned in a fire.
What is the only thing I want right now is. To move to White Rock, furnish the place, Call Zulfiya and see if it is not too late to get her to come over. When I wrote and told her not to come. She was just about done with everything she needed to do for her visa. And the day I wrote her, she was going to find out if she was to get her visa. I don't even know if she got the visa or not. Zulfiya has not written me back since that letter. I don't know if she would still come to visit me. Even if nothing came out of our visit and we found out we are not compatible. Well I don't really think that is possible. We have written very private thoughts to each other. Again nothing is impossible, we might not like the person we are when we are confronted with the real deal.
But I wanted and want a chance to find out this. My mother really wants her to come. And mom does not want me to be alone. As well mom wants to spend time with her. As in coming to visit her with me every night. I want to see her and want mom to meet her and spend the time with her as well.
My greatest and only wish right now is to move to White Rock, into a two bedroom home. Get nice furnishings for the place. New, I am not talking about, expensive items. I could furnish a two bedroom very nicely for $5000. For the complete two bedroom apartment. Everything you could think of. I have thought about this. I need a bedroom for mom. I want to start having her over. First for visits, then overnight and then weekends etc... etc....
Mom needs a queen size bed, not to fall out of. Certain types of furnishings for her to sit in. Mom is not going to stay in her wheel chair at our home. Yes it is our home. A home for mom and I. Mom loves music, good healthy food. Room for her to get around.
I know what type of place we need. I say mom friendly. Now this is the only thing I think about all day long, And I dream about it at night. And I pray about it all day. To move to White Rock, Furnish the place and have Zulfiya come over. I don't know if it is too late, I do know I need to call her, well write her by Monday. Her holidays start the first or second week of November.
This type of thing has never happened to me before, and I know I am frightened and that is the way I should be. But the main reason is I have nothing and nobody to help. The PGT made promises to me. Which if they kept , Things would be fairly good. It would be possible to pull this off. But of course with the PGT, everything is just BS that comes out of their mouth. They do not know how to keep a promises. This is their way of staling a person. Oh we will help you move to White Rock and we will give you a large lump sum to get a car. Well I told them I want the same funds for a home.
This is why I fight the PGT and is why there should be a major story done on the abuse they have put mom and I through. Which is an extreme amount of abuse. Over 7 years. And at the same time, the PGT is embezzling moms money.
If only people would keep their promises to me. I would of been set up in White Rock already. And I would be having my airport meeting with my long distance girlfriend. Yes that is what we are to each other. I know if I wrote her and told the truth about, me being extremely frightened and that I need her to come. To see her. I am sure she would still come if it could be worked out. Which everything can be worked out if you want it enough and do the work.
I have contacted the Russian embassy in Ottawa and I have asked for the number of the clinic in her village. I have not heard anything back yet. I will do what ever is necessary to do to try to change her mind about coming here. I just need all the rest to come to being this weekend.
Now the number I left 604.552.0557 is me, it is a small organization I am trying to get off the ground. So if anyone does call, The organization is the Alzheimer's Seniors Abuse Action Coalition. Or ADSAAC So please leave me a message and I will return your call, where ever you may be. I have received several calls from the US and I have nothing to do in these states.
Sorry about going on and on. Now about mom.
Tonight I arrived late. And mom had not ate her dinner. And I sat down to feed her and she did not want the dinner from the hospital. Mom wanted the left over dinner I brought for her last night. Four cheese pasta. With extra cheese on top. That is what she ate and nothing of her hospital food. She had mango for dessert.
Tonight was bath night for mom, and mom was already in her clothing for bed. We went to her room and I informed the staff that please take mom to the bathroom, so as after I finish giving her, the beauty treatment I would put her to bed. This is what they did. First I took care of the wounds are her leg, with tea tree oil and then I put her to bed. Mom is happy about this and this is what I am going to do from now on. Of course they are not going to have a problem. with. this. This is when I can just sit with mom until she fall's asleep. This is an added bonus to this journey of mom and me. I love the fact that I am the last person mom see' at night before she fall's asleep. Mom thinks so as well. She could not wait for this to happen. She was not to sure if I could lift her up and put her into bed myself. The hospital needs a few people and a lift and on and on. I just pick her up and put her into bed.
I love my mother. I have feelings for Zulfiya, I want and need to move to White Rock and get a two bedroom place. I need the funds to pull this off and need it by October 31, 2011 so I can arrange for Zulfiya to come here. And the most important part of being in White Rock, it will take me no time to get to the hospital, so I can deal with everything that comes up. And I can make and bring mom home cooked meals every night.
Well I could go on and on, but I think I am done for tonight
GOD Bless and good night
Kris
Remember that number is me.
