Hello again
Today is Sunday and I have not seen nor spoke to anyone all day. My phone did not even ring. Lets face it I have one set of friends. A couple and being a couple, they do couple things with other couples. I see them once a week. The other person I know, well,if I want to go down to the beach and eat at the only restaurant he goes too, Then I can hang out with him. I am so broke, a little over a buck to my name.
So I spent another day alone. My depression is really bad now. I have slept allot. I don't want to sleep, I am sleeping through 3 alarms. 3. Wasting my days. This is how depression works. You don't want to do anything. But I do want to do allot. Just can't. No way of doing anything. I just have a bus pass. You can only ride the bus so much and then you have covered allot territory.
Now I don't know where to go anymore. It is always the same. I have been there and walked around there.
I have a Pt job that I start tomorrow. I don't think I will get much sleep. Yes it is a job, but only 10 hours a week. Not enough to cover my expenses. I have an interview tomorrow as well. But I can't go to it, I will try to re arrange it for another day. I thought it was Tuesday that I started this part time job. So I arrange an interview for tomorrow plus a doctors appointment. Which I will have to schedule for another day as well.
I need another job or one full time job. I go on interviews, but it seems my teeth, or lack of teeth and the disgusting mess that they are, are stopping me from getting any worthwhile job.
I am not looking for a high paying position. I just want to work. And the one thing that is stopping me is what I need the most. A clear mouth to speak with. To present well to others.
I have been trying to figure out why I am not getting these jobs I go on interviews for. Now I know.
So depression is getting worse.
I just would like to get back into society again. I have nothing.
And now I have an abscess and it is extremely painful to eat, so I am just not eating. Hurts to much.. This is something that has just came about last week.
I just don't get it. Why!
What am I doing wrong. I am nice to all, I don't do anything bad. I am clean and sober, for many, many years. I am a Christian. I will do for others as much as I can
What I don't get is what is needed to get back into society.
Actually I need new teeth
https://www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
That is a campaign sit to help me get dentures
https://www.gofundme.com/krisschmulnad
To help mom have a memorial service
But I need help and have no one to speak with or get help.
What family I have still thinks I am a drunk and drug addict, It seems no matter how long one is sober, everyone still thinks your a drunk. So no family is what I say. Because they are not there at all. Yes I have said that it is OK. And I do mean that. I am OK with none of them contacting me.
So if you find it in your heart to assist, please do.
Other than that, I am just not doing well at all. I am alone, and this holiday season is going to be difficult for me. If I don't find other work right away, I am going to be homeless at the end of the month.
Yes homeless. Then I won't even be able to keep the part time job I have. Can 't keep clean or rest or eat, or have clean clothing to wear.
I don't want to be homeless. I have not even unpacked some things.But I don't have it in me to pack everything up again. No place to move too.
I am trying. I start a job tomorrow. But not enough hours.
Please pray to GOD for help
GOD bless and goodnight
Kris Schmuland
