Hello again
So I have just been thinking about mom allot today, how I want to see her smile again, I want to hear her voice again. I want to hold her hand again.
But I can't and this alone, is causing havoc in my life. I am freaking out. I really need to see someone about this. But I also need to have my mother's ashes with me, so I know she is close to me.
Yes her spirit is with me, always, but with all the confusion that is happening I just can't feel her spirit with me. I am not doing well .
It is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I thought quiting drinking was hard. This is much worse. On the only bright side of this, is that quiting smoking will be a breeze for me. That is next. I am having a difficult time just getting up each day. I have nothing, I am nothing and at this moment in time I am going nowhere, rather quickly. My days are lost days and nowhere days. I try all the time. I get up early and then what. I have no idea what is next.
I need to raise funds for a legal defense to get mom's ashes. Yet no one even gives a crap about that. I am not asking for the funds for myself. But to pay for a lawyer. And if any is left over to give mom and funeral service, which because of my sister's, mom has not had.
Remember, it was all set to happen. The date, the time, everything. But they, the sister's canceled it, the very next day. Again not including me in that decision. Which they had to.
And so, because of my sister's mom's ashes just sit and sit and sit. And the only way any of us are going to get mom's ashes is through the Supreme Court of BC. Period.
This is all their causing. They did this with my dad. Now they are trying to do it again, with my mother. I don't consider them family. Not at all. Maybe blood, but that is it.
And for the rest of my family. What family. I don't or have not seen any of them around to offer any sort of comfort to me. Nothing. Oh yea, get a job. The very next day after mom passed away.
What kind of BS is that. I did not even have time for my mother's death to sink in. Now, not a soul has reached out to me. Actually, nobody at all. Not a single human being has reached out to offer any sort of comfort to me. Or to even try to understand what the hell I am going through.
This is exactly what it was like while I looked after mom for all those years. No one around. No one to even talk to. And even someone I use to call a friend, has unfollowed me on FaceBook. Wasn't a friend to begin with and certainly isn't now or ever will be.
No friends, no one to look after anymore or even to call family. When I say I am alone, really believe me that I am alone. My phone doesn't even ring with some of the people or staff I knew at Al Hogg. or any of the children of residents. They all were taking my number and giving me theirs. I tried calling some of them, they didn't answer their phone and never returned any of my messages.
So once again, when I say to you I am alone, Believe it. Because I am truly alone for the first time in my entire life. Not a soul to talk to, not a soul to care if I am dead or alive. NO ONE! AT ALL.
So what do I do. Do I continue on and suffer more anguish and frustration, do I try to speak with someone about all of this. Yes to that. I really don't want to carry on anymore. But I do not want to die, either. I don't know what I am to do, Now it has been almost two months since mom passed.OK one and a half months. But still I am not doing well with all of it.
I have some good moments. But I just start to cry, where ever I may be.
I am trying to raise money to get mom's ashes, but again, know one gives a shit about it. If mom sits and sits on a shelf in the funeral home. Forever. It could be years that mom just sits there.
I am done for the day. I need to eat. Oh yea that is another thing I need to do more often. Eat!
Please help out and donate to my campaign. I am not trying to raise money to go on a trip. All will be used on a lawyer.
I need GOD's help and I am not getting any of it.
Please help out.
https://www.gofundme.com/ka556fdk
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
