Hello again
OK This October 12, is my mother's Birthday. This will be the very first time I am celebrating an occasion without my mother..... l usually make mom a nice dinner and bring her gifts and flowers, plus a nice, meaningful card. I am now becoming very depressed because of this. I am not doing well because of it.
I will, however, get mom a nice card and flowers. Put them next to her urn. Sing Happy Birthday to her. Really, if anyone thinks I am crazy for doing this. Then I am crazy! I don't see this changing anytime soon. Just not in the cards for me.
It is making me really depressed though. I am not even close to letting go. My mother stills needs a service for closure for her spirit. I am trusting GOD that HE will provide the needed funds to make this happen.
Mom needs to have everyone speak about her, a nice service with a video presentation. Slide show of allot of her photo's, with her and dad. Just so she knows, her spirit, that we are still thinking about her. I will never stop thinking about her, her spirit is with me always. Sure you say, it was almost a year ago that she passed. But no one knows all the hassled I have had to deal with. The wheelchair, that is not even hers, that is sitting outside, under a tarp. I have to take these individuals to court. Need help with that. I know how to do it, just need help. Can't afford a lawyer. Anyone know of one for me, to give me advice. Let me know.
I sit alone, and am lonely. I have no one now. Just me. It is not fun being alone. Saturday night and I am here by myself writing this. I enjoy writing, but it would be nice to be out with someone. Actually no it would not. I don't even know anymore. I just know I am truly alone now. And it hurts deeply. I miss my mother every single day, all day.
I am trying. Before my cousin sent me all these job postings. I wasn't ready. Now I am. I had a job, but to old for what they wanted. Piss me off. I need something right away, I mean right away. I need to cover the extra rent, now that my friend decided to stay up north and not live here with me. I will be OK when I get a job.
Well 11 pm and I still need to eat.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
