Hello again
Well as it states I am just not feeling anything in my life. I am very stressed out about my living arrangements. I just can't do it.
I looked after my mother for a very long time and that I chose to do. I loved every minutes of it. But I am not prepared to look after someone else. I have so much that I need to do for myself. I just don't have the time.
I need to look after myself. I am not a well person. I have a scare in front of me. I have diabetes, which I am trying to manage. Plus the numerous other things that are wrong with me.
I need to take care of me. Not anyone else.
Maybe if it were a different time. But not know.
I go through my day, with feelings that go up and down. All over the place. Yes I can put on the fake smile for everyone to see. Yet I am in pain on the inside as well as the outside.
I do have happy moments through out my day.
And I do think this women is nice.
I don't know what I am going to do. I don't get help from anyone. So I can do the right thing.
I don't want to leave this women high and dry. But I can't do what three of us were doing before the other two moved out. Just me now. And I have so much I need to get done, but I am falling short of doing things. I need to be able to have time before I leave each day to make calls and/or relax.
I am trying to get back into singing again, but every time I start, it is a song that I would sing to mom. Actually all the songs I can sing well are the one's I would sing to mom.
My cousin keeps sending me all of these job openings. Yet she has never sat down and spoke with me about what I would like to do.
She keeps sending me ads for places to rent, Yet she has never sat down with me to ask me where it is I would like to live.
We all have an idea where it is we want to live. I have an idea what it is I want to do. I am trying to get my foot in the door. I am seeking out a path that I think is what is needed for me to do.
The organization I wish to start. The name is going to be changed. I don't like what I have been calling it.
I have searched out the domain names. But without funding it is never going anywhere. So why do I keep bringing it up. HOPE.
I need to speak with someone about things. I have a grief counselor as well as a counselor. And an understanding Doctor ( I think)
Well I was able to get a cancellation for the diabetes clinic.I start tomorrow morning. I need to get up at 6 am to be there by 8:30.I am glad I called them, otherwise I would of been waiting until October. or November. The right time for that, at least.
I need to go. It is so hot in my room. yes where I have to do everything.
I have no idea how much sleep I will get. This is going to affect me greatly. But oh well, have to go.
I am out.
GOD bless and good night
Kris
