Hello again
So I really do miss my mother. As stated before, it is just knowing that she is there. To know that no matter what is happening, I have mom to just be with, holding her hand. And I know mom felt the same way. Someone there for her.
Again it was the best gift I have ever received, looking after her and taking care of mom. Mary Rose Schmuland. Let us not forget that.
You see, I say I am lost, it is true. I had a purpose, that was to take care of my mother. That was everything to me. And I know, if I was working full time, doing what I know I can do, I would of quit what I was doing, to look after mom. That was pre- destined. I believe this 100% that I would of stopped everything, put everything aside and did what I know I was to do in this life. I know not to many people can say this, but I know for sure, this was part of my life's plan. In the grand scheme of things.
I knew this many, many years ago. And I was prepared to do whatever it took to make sure my mother was well taken care of in her last years. This I did. I know it. Yes I do say I could of done allot more. Others say, what more could you of done. You went way beyond what anyone would do for their parents. Yes I did, but........ These statements came from the counselors I am seeing. As well as many, many more people.
Yes my family thinks I am a user and looser. That is OK with me. Because they were not there for my mother. At all. No one. We lost Mary along time ago. Or they didn't want to see me. That is OK too. But, they had the rest of the day to come and visit mom. I was only there from late afternoon until 9 pm or so.
So call me what you want. I am a user I am a looser. I agree. Thank you family for your thoughts. To bad it doesn't bother me. I gave up on everyone of them, many, many, many years ago and it has never bothered me.
I will, however, never forgive them for not spending time with my mother. I hope that one of their children will spend time with them, when it is needed. When they are old and sick. Because that is the right thing to do.
OK I am not fine. I have allot of problems. I need to get on disability. I need to get well. At least well enough. I need to find a new place to live. Soon.
Most importantly, I need to put on a service for mom.
I am out, I am done. My life has no meaning now. I have some ideas. I would like to honor mom by advocating for other families and seniors. I am good at it. Very good at it. Many years of experience doing this for mom. I have contacts throughout the industry and health system. I know what is needed to be done, to insure that families place their loved one's in the proper home. What to look for and if needed, someone to speak on their behalf.
For this I need seed capital. To get everything started.
ADSAAC Alzheimer's Dementia Seniors Abuse Action Coalition, this is the name of the organization I wish to start. Or have been trying to get going for a few years now. I have had the web address's, Lost them because of not having enough money to renew them.
So I am stuck. This is a service that is needed. To many people don't know what to do, when the time comes. They need guidance.
But I am so messed up now. I need my own home. I thought I found the perfect place, Go a text message this morning. Saw the message and thought, I got it. Only to find out they rented it to someone else.
I have no back story, Except the best one of all. I TOOK CARE OF MY MOTHER.
So I don't know what to say. If someone knows where I can get start up funds, please let me know. It is important.
I would have purpose again.
GOD bless and good night
Kris
I can't believe this. This little blog has been read almost 40000 times. This one. The one before was read over 15000 time. Before it was shut down. I still have all the post from that one, sitting on another computer. Which I have to get transfered over to a hard drive and placed up on this site.
Thank you everyone who have taken the time to read my little blog. It is amazing to me. Thank you, Thank you. You make my day, everyday, when I turn my computer on and see how many people have actually read this. Just freaks me out. Thank you. Please keep reading. More to come. Even from all the different countries that have read this. Thank you again.
