Hello again
I just can't live like this anymore. I can't deal with it or want to deal with it. I have so much to do and I just can't get a hold of it. I am not well I have a million things wrong with me. Now this colon cancer scare, the diabetes, not being able to afford the one thing I really need, the glucose testing machine and strips. Not covered by my medical. But a cane is covered.
I am not wanting to be around anymore. I have nobody to actually count on for comfort or compassion. NOBODY.
When one says, as I do, they are alone. It is true. I may go out and about, but do you think I am having conversations with anyone. NO I AM NOT. I am in Vancouver by myself, doing nothing by myself.
When I look at things. OK I may be allot of things, but a user(as my cousin and family think I am) I am not. I am just someone who doesn't take bullshit from anyone. I read peoples crap and I won't deal with it. I will tell them straight up what they are like.
Yes that does tend to make people withdraw from me. If you can't take the truth, then don't BS me.
I can afford to live on my own, but can't find a place. Sure if I want to live in Surrey, And Surrey has a bad reputation for a reason. I don't want to be part of that. In White Rock I can go and walk around late at night. In Surrey, I would be shot or mugged, if I was to walk around late at night.
Do I really want that. Sure if I want to die now. Which I do.
I don't want to be around here anymore. I can't live in the present anymore.
I am done!
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher W.A. Schmuland
I am going to give mom and service and then I just don't know.
I wish, I wish and I wish for something to happen that makes me believe in GOD again. Otherwise I just can't.
In my life there has only been three people I loved. My father, my beautiful mother who I loved unconditionally with all my heart. I would take care of her all over again, without reservation. And this one women, who is back east now and it has been over 10 since I spoke with her last. There is no one else.
