Hello again
So I was out with friends today, most of the afternoon and evening. I was OK at first, but as the day progressed I was becoming more and more uncomfortable. Don't get me wrong, it is not my friends, it is me. I am the one who has the problem. I just don't want to be around people. The stress of not finding a place, nothing seeming to be working and just having anxiety issues. That is what is was; today. Starting to sweat, heart palpitations and anxiety. Wanting out and to just be alone. It is difficult to do this when one has to take a bus from Vancouver with a friend.
These feelings are becoming more and more frequent. Once a week, twice a week. I know it has to do with my mother's passing and myself feeling alone. But it is not friends I want to be around. It is my mother.
No matter what the problem I had, how bad I felt;I knew I could hold mom's hand and by the time I left at night I felt allot better. Just holding her hand. I don't have this anymore. Yes one might think this is weird, yet you never spend 5 or more hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year for over 12 years taking care of someone. A loved one. And over 7 years of someone wanting to hold your hand. Actually, mom needed to hold my hand. To know she was loved. That I was there, that I was not going anywhere.
It is very difficult for me now. I just don't know anymore about anything anymore. I wake up in the morning knowing I have things to do, but not getting much done. I do get somethings done. But very little.
I am trying and trying. Yet it seems I am getting know where. I need a steady place to live, that I can come home to and just relax. A clean safe environment.
So, again, I need help. Yes I am short 800. to get mom the service she deserves
https://www.gofundme.com/ka556fdk
If only you please. I am trying to have the service at the end of August.
6 months yesterday. And I could not sleep last night and I am extremely tired today.
So I end early.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
