Hello again
Excuse me for not writing the last many days. I miss it very much. It has just been very difficult for me the last week, I am trying very hard to keep it together, without going nuts and exploding on someone.
I am having angry issues, that stem from not getting the help I need or want. I go to doctors and tell them I need some help,, I need to go see this person or that person. And all this new guy wants to do is blood work. Which I had it all done last year. I tried to tell him that, but guess what. You got it. He didn't listen to me. Now I need to do it all over again. It is very difficult. As I can't sleep and I need to fast for 10 hours. If I can't sleep I am up, at least having something to drink. Or going outside, yes outside, at 3 am.
I am not only grieving the loss of my mother, I have other issues that need to be addressed. I have been depressed most of my life and nothing is ever done about it. I keep getting pills and more pills. I don;t take any of them. Are you kidding me. They whack you out. And they just are not doing anything for me.
I want to go and talk to someone. And just let everything out in the open. Spill the beans, as they would say. Not dope me up. I just won't take them. I have been on antidepressants before and strong one's at that. Nothing. Still depressed and still have extreme anxiety issues.
I dropped into the mood disorder association's office this past week. They are not taking any referrals until August. To see the psychiatrist. Then the receptionist told me about this other place, where I can see a counselor. $85.00 hr. I don't have money to give my mother a funeral service, where I am going to get money to see a psychologist. At that rate, in 6 months, I will have paid for a service for mom.
Where I live a psychiatrist is covered under medical. But not a psychologist is not covered. Back at where I started from. Nowhere. I need to see someone, but I can't because I am poor and I don't have and will not pay $85.00 hr.
Now everything is not well. I need a serious change of pace. NOW!
I am going for now, need to eat something. Not eating lately. Just riding the buses in a circle. Just so I am out of the house.
I have to call the police tomorrow morning. I can't let this go on any longer. I am speaking about the $2000 in missing parts for the wheelchair. It is theft. Plain and simple. And I know exactly who took it. Or should I say The place which took the parts off the chair. We all know where I believe the parts went missing.
If the police don't do anything about it, I will write the papers and picket the place. Every morning for an hour. I just have to walk down the street. I will also go to the head office tomorrow, as well.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher W. A. Schmuland. .
