Well my mother is not doing well at all. In fact she is dying. There is no turning back this time. I have been beside her since yesterday afternoon. I stayed there last night.Holding her hand. Even while I slept. The staff were nice and brought me a comfortable chair to sleep in. I didn`t get much sleep. I was holding her hand on her chest and every once in a while I thought she stopped breathing, I would wake up and check. I don`t know why but this just happened.
Her breathing is getting very bad. She is going through everything one does when they are at the end of their life. I am seeing everything.
I have not stopped crying for the last four days. I just can't stop. I am in pain but my mother is in more pain then I am... I know this for sure.
I don't know what to do, not a single person is here for mom or myself.I am sorry that is not true. My dear cousin Renee has been her for me. Came yesterday afternoon when arrive, she was there and early today, then after.
I had the priest come in and give mom her last rights. I guess that is what you call it.
Hello.
The nurse came in and I stopped writing this, She turned mom, I was holding her hand and my other hand was on her chest feeling her breathing.
That was it. She took her last few breaths and died.
Right there and then.
I feel really guilty I was even writing this blog post. But I was holding her hand at the end. I never stopped holding her hand. I always held her hand. All the time.
This was the last time I get to do this. I did give her the last spa treatment today. And before I left, I went back into the room and sang our good night song to her.
I am a wreck now.
Thanks to Sony I have had no phone. I could call anyone. One member of my family wanted me to call him. Can`t and couldn`t Thanks to Sony
I am talking to my mother asking her if she would come to me and speak with me. To guide me from now on.
Look I have no one. My cousin want me to keep in touch with her daily. I have no way of doing this. And email is to lonely.
I have spent the past 10 years or more looking after my mother. I kept going back to mom, while lying there, thinking she was still alive. Asking the nurse if they were sure she was dead. I say mom in a body bag,That was the worst possible thing I could ever see.
It mean it is really over. I still can`t believe it.
I really think I am done. I don`t know what to do.
What really bothered me was the staff coming in within an hour asking me to take her stuff, clean out the room. While mom was still lying there. With no respect for my poor mother. Just lying there while we are cleaning out her room she has lived in for years. Just like that.
Enough of that. My sisters were called, they arrived.
First I want to thank my cousin Renee, If it were not for her, I would not of been able to bring mom`s belongings back.
Anyways my sisters came, They said there goodbyes to mom and we discussed the arrangements. Mom and dad are going to be interned in the same cemetery, where my grandmother and grandfather are buried. There ashes we be placed in, I don`t know what to call it, I know what it is, but to stressed out to remember it. Anyways together in the wall. The most important thing is mom and dad are together.
I am in shock. and very upset.
I don`t know what I am going to do.
GOD bless and good night.
Kris Schmuland.
I am going to continue to write and write exactly what I am going through.
