Hello again
I still don't believe mom has passed away. I am extremely lost.
Mom was my entire life. It was just her and me. That was it.
There is nobody else. I am all alone now. With no phone to call for help. counseling. Of course there is no one else to call. As I said I am all alone now.
I have no friends. They all stopped talking to me because they thought that me looking after my mother and spending so much time doing so. Was a waste of my time. They were the waste of time.
And one might think that I would get some kind of support from someone. What I got was not even a day of support from one member of my family. A cousin. She has a family, so she needs to be with them as well. I do thank her for her time. Then they are back to their normal lives.
So here I am not wanting to be where I am and with no one to talk to. No one to help me through this time. I grieve alone.
Not a single individual. I spoke with a pastor that I ran into yesterday. From a church I use to go to. I really thought he would of told the members and someone, anyone would of reached out to me. to comfort me in my time of grieving
Again, no one, nothing. IT IS DAWNING ON ME I AM TRULY ALONE NOW. I wasn't prepared for this. Yes I knew one day mom was not going to make it and it would be her time.
I am still waiting for mom to come and visit me. Some don't believe in this. But I believe in the after life and us having a soul.
For the first time I don't want to be alone. I need someone to hold me, talk to me, sit with me.
For the first time I do truly realize this is a lonely world. I was raised that we reach out to people in there time of need. To comfort them. To be there for them. I am blinded by what I see on TV. All the people coming forth and comforting you, grieving with you. Brining food and whatever is needed. Nope,again. Not letting you be alone, not even for a minute. What is seen on TV makes this for a great let down.
I am on the bus and trying not to cry, but I just can't stop myself. Do you think a single person would come over and ask what is wrong. Nope!
It doesn't help that I don't have a phone either. Sony is to blame for this. There constant BS and back and forth. If they would of honored the warranty My phone would be back by now and I would be able to do the things that need to be done for my mother.
So instead of grieving, I have to be writing them, writing CBC go public, the better business bureau etc to file complaints against Sony. Causing me grief in my time of extreme sorrow.
This is the hardest thing I have ever been through. I have been going out to White Rock these past two days. As this is what I do. Get up, get ready and go to White Rock.
I want to move and move right away. I can't be here any longer. Everything, plus now, mom's things are crammed into my room. I can't leave anything out. Or it will get stolen.
Here is another big problem.
I DON'T HAVE A BLACK SUIT TO WEAR TO THE FUNERAL. I don't have any money at all.
It would be a complete lack of respect to my mother if I am not wearing a suit. A black suit. I don't even have any decent clothing. I need to be dressed up like mom remembers me being. Wearing a suit and tie. Like I have for many years in the past.
It was mom's time I know this. Mom gave me an extra 5 or 6 weeks to be by her side and that is what I did. 6 or 7 hours a day for the last two months. I do thank GOD for this extra time with mom.
But now I need GOD's help.To get a suit.A black suit.
Everyone is telling me to eat. I got tired of hearing this, so I started to lie to them and telling them I am eating. I have not eaten since last Friday. I was to busy worrying about mom. I am just not hungry. Not at all. All I want is my tea and that is it. I am almost out of this and no way of buying anymore.
'
I guess it is a good thing I have no groceries in the place. It doesn't matter anyways. I just don't care.
GOD bless
Kris Schmuland
