Hello again
As I mentioned, I think in my last post, that I could not bring mom anything. I ran out of her papaya, and other items. I could not even bring her a dessert.
And last night while eating and when we finished dinner. Mom was expecting something else. She kept looking up and the shelf, which I usually put desserts or other things. As there is not room for much on her bed table or night stand. But she kept looking up there. I had to break her heart by continuing telling her I have nothing to give you,I don't have any dessert for you. The look on her face each time I said these things to her was extremely heart breaking to me. I started to cry when I went and did the dishes. I couldn't let mom see me cry like that.
I didn't have a dinner for her. last night. But tonight I did and nothing for tomorrow. I got a little bit of money today. By the time I bought mom her papaya, avocado, a dessert, some drinks and her dinner. I was broke. There is nothing left for me to buy any groceries. So I go without. Remember I have always stated, that mom is first and I am last. I do have a little bit of rice in the fridge from last night. Plain white rice. This will do for me.
I am saddened by the fact I can't even bring mom some dinner tomorrow. I still need to get her some of her Lindt Chocolate which she has every night. I have $3.93 cents in my bank. Enough for 2 of her chocolates. I have no idea what I will do after that.
I have been saying for a while now, that my life is falling apart, piece by piece. There is just nothing. I have nothing and no way of getting anything.
I desperately need hearing aids. I started a fund raising campaign and nothing. I spoke with a lawyer the yesterday and the only way I can properly make decisions for mom is to have, what is know as Committee of Person. And I have to go to court and apply to be this person. Mom is deemed incapacitated, so in order to make proper decision for her, I need to go to court and apply for this. Using the substitute decision act, only goes so far.
This will cost me up to $5000.00 This on top of needing $7650.00 for hearing aids. RIGHT
I will put this up as a fund raising campaign as well. I hope this has better luck than the one for hearing aids. Which by the way is a month old and not a penny has been donated. Over 400 people have viewed it, but no donations.
I just want to hear. I miss music, without having to turn it up to the point it doesn't sound good anymore. Since I don't have a stereo. I use my computer and well we know what that sounds like. So I can't listen to music anymore.
Well anyways mom was able to have a good dinner this evening. And I brought her a dessert. Some is left for tomorrow. She kept holding my hand close to her and every time I needed to let go, she raise her hand for me to grab and hold on to it again. Mom just didn't want to let go. I think she knows I don't have any groceries for myself. I certainly have not said anything to her or even implied it. I feed her, I sing to her while feeding her. We talk and laugh.
I have stated this so many times. That when I arrive there. I leave everything at the door. I put on my happy face and smile. I am polite to everyone. I talk laugh. When I am there, my world is only about mom. and nothing else. Nothing. I only bring up the good or the weird things that have happened to me that day. And if there is nothing good that has happened, it is the weird that I bring up.
Only smiles and happiness around mom. I don't want to bring any burdens upon her. My world is my mother. And I am fine with that.
I do have dreams. But small dreams. One is to be living in White Rock and the other is to have hearing aids. That is it. Simple dreams.
I don't need new furniture. I have somethings. Enough for now. I have a loveseat, chair, bedroom suite.(very old) and a few other things. GOOD ENOUGH Oh yea, my laptop and an old CRT TV. and a printer. I am set.
Now I am going now. I am about to have an emotional moment from writing this tonight. I have nothing for her dinner tomorrow.
Please donate to www.Gofundme.com/yugmns for my hearing aids
Kris
