Hello again
I have been home for awhile now, just to damn depressed to write anything. I thought maybe it might help. I don't think so.
I feel so guilty not being able to bring mom a nice dinner tonight or tomorrow. Nor can I bring her a papaya tomorrow. We had some kiwi oranges. But not anymore. So no fruit at all.
I was asked what was wrong, before I said anything I excuse myself and just said I needed to go. Which was true. To catch my bus. I just got to the stop in time.
While there, people were saying why are you so quiet. And asking if I was OK. I just said no, I am not. Why they ask. I said it is okay,
I am quiet when things are going this wrong. They ask what is wrong. I wanted to tell them what isn't. Even mom's new roommates daughter said I looked stressed.
Really I thought. She did ask if there was anything she could do. I just replied NO. Nothing you can do.
Mom on the other hand, understood. Was smiles and happy I was there anyways. We had to wait for the served dinner. That was OK though. When I went to get it, the staff was cleaning up and had left over vegetables. I got some of them. As mom's vegetables were, well, mush. And mom enjoyed these.
As well as her dessert. I wish though. I wish.
I got her changed and we settled down for our wait. I held her hand, she gripped my hand tightly. And just listened to music.
Then her complete spa treatment. And then just held her hand for awhile afterwards. Made mom feel good and myself as well.
I am done now for the night.
I am extremely upset and guilt ridden.
Kris
