Hello again
I just tears my heart out to see mom like she is, and when she can't go anywhere. Or that I can't take her anywhere. I can take her out. but I don't even have enough money to take her for lunch. Or even buy her an ice cream cone.
Now the problem I am really having is mom wants to be with dad and can't stand being like this anymore.The worst part of it is mom wants me to do something about it.
Life is not mine to take, unless it is my own. I will not help her out. And I told her this. But it hurts none the less to see her cry because she just wants out. First and foremost out of the place she is in.
Mom thinks that she is a burden for me. Not a chance, I love my mom and dedicated my life to doing this for her.
The truth is, if it were not for mom, I wouldn't be around. Mom gives me something to live for .
To become a real person, one that actually cares for another person. I will do anything for mom, without a question.
Mom is my life. and their is time for everything else afterwards. Hopefully a long time from now.
The staff are taking longer and longer to get mom ready for bed. This means I am not getting home until midnight now. And then I have things to do, so I don't get to bed until 4 am.
I ask for funds from the comfort fund. And nothing. I have not drinks for mom tomorrow. Or even enough to make her a meal.
I keep asking for help to get to White Rock. A dog gets over $18,000.00 in assistance. And I make countless phone calls and nothing.
The PGT made huge promises, and still will not fulfill them.
I need a job and have some interviews for next week. I ask the person who tells me to get a job. For funds to get proper clothing, since I have nothing and need everything for job interviews.The PGT, and they tell me no, they can't help me out. Even though they say they will help me with my moving expenses.
As I have said many, many times. I don't even have a plate to my own. A fork, knife, cup. Or even a bed or dresser. No couch, TV, stereo. NOTHING AT ALL. Everything I owned was stolen by an ex roommate and this is why I have to live in furnished places.
I have this computer, that I put together from several other older computer's. It works OK. Slow, very slow.
Mom needs me to be out their. Close by, to even just bring her over for dinner, the night, take her out for walks, to the beach. ect..........
It is now 1:49 am and I have only been home for 2 hours now. And I still have things to do.
Today, I am extremely hungry. But today I have nothing to eat. Not even tea. I can normally go without and have gone without for along time. But today I am just very hungry. And nothing for me tonight.
I have lost a ton of weight and have started working out at home, with the bands. And I wanted to workout tonight. Can't do this if I don't eat. I have to tighten the skin, as it gets loose after loosing weight like I did. Through a starvation diet.
Now mom, I love my mother and will never do anything to harm her. Not like the rest of my family. Taking her clothing, jewelry. etc.... Not being their for her. And not even willing to give me the rights to her health care.
Mom needs me to be out their in White Rock by her. No one even gets this.
Mom is devastated by this disease and her not getting the help that she needs or was promised.
I have to go now.
GOD bless and good night.
Kris
