Hello again
I am completely and absolutely pissed off at everyone out there.
Why,. Let me tell you why. 95% of you out their could not do what I do, or won't do it. You don't have the necessary balls to do it. You are so into self that you can not spare a few hours a day.
Look I do understand. My mother is your mother, father, grandparents, uncles and yourselves.
Seeing your loved one is to hard for you to take. I see it, I hear people leaving saying I was just called this or I was told this. Remember, how many times did you say negative things about your parents to friends or even to their face, when you were younger. It is the disease speaking. This hurtfulness is completely self involved on your part.
Maybe I am just used to it, considering this is number 3 in my family and I have been involved in all of my family members who have or had this disease.
Being a caregiver is not an easy task. I feed my mother, who once feed me. I wash my mother, who once washed me, I put my mother to bed, tucked her in and give her hugs and kisses, who once did this for me. I do this and many other things which my mother once did for me and my sisters.
I see many people leaving crying and blaming their parent. You know, I cry, and I cry when it is the time to cry. I laugh, I sing. I do all these things and more. I hear people speak to their loved one's as if they were stupid. I speak to my mother as I always did. With respect, dignity, caring and love. As it should be. My mother answer me when I ask her a question. I still talk to her about issue and she loves being involved. I speak to her as I speak to other's. No difference. This is the way we, and I mean you all should be speaking to your parents who have this disease.
It is hard to do what I do, but no where near as hard as my mother has it. Can't feed herself, can't go to the bathroom by herself, need someone to bath her, to change her, to put her to bed and get her up. To even give her a drink. And to move her about. Mom is locked in a ward, can't go out, except when I take her out. But I can't take her anywhere, no car. I just take her around their. But with this weather I can't take her outside, it is too cold for her.
I would love to take mom out and let her pick out her own clothing, and shoes and etc....But, wait a minute, my sister's have vehicles. Oh yea, they are to busy with their not so busy lives to do this.
And mom is going to be dis charged soon. And the social worker is kissing my sister's ass' Saying it is closer for them to come and see your mother. Yet I travel 110 km's a day, just to get their, then the same back. Without saying a word to anyone. This is my choice to be their for my mother. I hear everything, from get a job, I wouldn't do that, isn't a couple of times a week enough. Mom is alone everyday, all day.
I know Christian ex friends who have said this to me. And they tell me, that they aren't going to help me, because I should be working. I support myself without any one's help. No one helps me.
And it is the Christians out there who should be helping me. It is GODs law that we do this for our parents. It is a commandment. Actually two commandments. And it goes on to say that the other Christians should be helping me out and doing for me out of total kindness. Because no one else in my family is doing this and will do this. For someone who totally gives of themselves in to be closer to GOD himself. Trust me I do not do this for the praises of GOD or anyone. I do this for my mother.
I complain about being lonely, mom is lonelier. I complain about doing nothing. Well mom cant even leave where she is. We all complain about our lives and how we don't have this or that. Mom cant even pick out her own clothing, and when I do buy her cloths,my sisters steal what mom has. It is not like they didn't already take my parents house and most of their money. Oh yea I wasn't going to say anything about them anymore. Oh yea I have copies of everything that mom and dad had all papers locked in a safety deposit box.
Now I am freezing my ass off. My hip is in so much pain, my knee, my left thumb, and my shoulder are all in so much pain, because of the cold. I guess I have arthritis in these places and I am not warm enough to keep the pain away. I don't recall ever being this cold before, or in this much pain.
I have to through out the pair of jeans I found in my closet. The pockets are shot.
I am just upset that mom is not eating her dinner. It is starting to worry me. Mom needs to eat and eat well. This is why I need to bring her some home cooked meals.
I am just pissed off that mom has to eat that hospital food when I know how to cook and cook well. I don't have the funds to do this. I have no funds. Do you think I enjoy seeing mom not eating her dinner. Well I don't blame her. Dinner tonight was just plain bad. No one would want to eat it. Actually not many of the patients did eat their dinner.
I just need help to get groceries to cook her meals at night. So at least mom has something good in her life. I have called everyone I know to see about getting some help and nothing.
Anyways I will go to bed hungry again. Not a problem.
GOD Bless and good night
Kris
