Hello
Today is day 7 without anything to eat. Nothing at all, It is getting difficult. My vision is now extremely blurry. My vision is only clear within 20 feet, other wise it is blurry. My stomach is bloating and I have this massive headache. And my balance is off.
Well when I was leaving my visit with mom tonight, my right leg gave out and I fell down a flight of stairs. Well 5 stairs. I hurt my right wrist I could not even pick up my bags. I have a sore back and legs. And I think I am going to have some nice bruises on my body.
I am extremely hungry. I am very weak and I still can't sleep. The no sleeping I guess is good, as I am up at 8:00am. everyday.
So I am visiting mom and they are suppose to take mom to the bathroom before I get their and they didn't once again. After I took her in to go to the bathroom. Mom felt allot better. I sang to her,washed her face and legs and arms. I brushed her teeth and hair. Put her mosturizer on her and cream on her legs and arms.
We talked and laughed and then it was time, mom wanted to go to bed.
People keep telling me that is great that I visit my mom everyday. I tell them it is my pleasure. I have been doing this for 7 years now. Everyday. Bringing her drinks, fruit and snacks. And loving every minute of it. After all one of her children have to give and crap about her. I do and am doing it. Showing my mother the love she deserves.
It is something that should be done. And mom is all the family I have left. When mom passes away, I will no longer have a family. As no one in the family has anything to do with me. But they did not want anything to do with me when I came back from the states. Maybe it is because I got an education. I don't know and don't care. I will be on my own. I do care about being alone. I get lonely allot lately.
My wrist is killing me. And my body is stating to get very sore. And on top of this I am very hungry. I have been living on tea and butt smokes. And I am now out of tea. This is all I had. And my mother is all I have left in this world. Nothing and nobody.
It seems that I do this out of love and everyone thinks I am a wonderful son. But I get no recognition. It is like there is a wall put up at every turn. The PGT makes it very difficult for me all the time.I have to fight for everything.
I said in the past that the PGT ruined a re start up business. And the government just sent me a letter to send in the taxes I owe for the business. I had to sell everything, as the PGT would not help mom. So I used my on money to do this. And now I have another business and this one is to make a difference in the world. And just when it was starting to make me some real money. I get injured in a bus accident and I am loosing a ton of money. And I am left starving and penniless, I hurt all the time. And now even more.
And then everyone is on me telling me to do this and to do that. Go to the food bank. Well if I could get their and back without killing myself, don't you think I would rather than starving. I don't have a phone. Everyone involved in mom's health care is upset at me for not being able to contact me.
And not being able to contact them as well. I need to go to White Rock and have a meeting with the doctors to discuss mom's treatment plan. To get mom out and living with me.
I can't contact a lawyer, or ICBC or even Translink to get them on the ball and compensate me for not being able to work, and loosing money. I need my business back on track. I need to be able to have some help from someone. Anyone.I really thought all these years of writing this blog, I would of received some help by now. Especially now when I am hurting and starving and in pain.
Yes I am strong and I can let things go and be able to deal with the fact that I have been around allot of deaths due to Dementia. And just in my family. I have the ability to just be cold. But I do have feelings and I am hurt by the lack of support from people whom I thought were my friends and all who read theses words.
These words of a man who is hurting deeply. Not just emotionally and spiritually, but physically and mentally. I am only so strong. I just need someone to support me and help to feel that what I am doing is the right thing to do. And what I am doing matters, not just to my mother, but to others who read my words.
I am wanting these words to help other families that are going through this or will be going through this. These words are meant to teach all about the horrible abuse our loved one's can suffer at the hands of the care homes and institutions. And how our loved one's are being given deadly drugs to just shut them up. To physically and chemically restrain them.
It is an atrocity to man, how are loved ones get treated. I have seen so many horrible things in the last 7 or more years. It should give me nightmares for the rest of my life. I don't know how I am not crazy by now. For all the abuse my mother has dealt with and all the abuse I have taken from the PGT and their refusal to do the right thing. And to stop what they are doing.
I can't always be strong. I am expected to be and to just fight for everything. I need a phone and I need to eat and eat right now. Not in three or four days. I need a phone not in three or four weeks.But now.
I am lonely and tired and broke and well needing something. Something from someone. I again ask for your kindness.
Reach out and touch someone. Someone like me
GOD Bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
