Hello
Well this last week I have been living off of crackers and toast. But last night was the last of my bread and butter. And today, was the last bit of the bread as I went for my walk.And I am having a very difficult time walking now. It is getting painful. My leg is starting to give out as I walk. My thigh is burning now. Anyways tonight will be the first night without anything. Well Bread is not much but it is better than nothing. Well it is OK, The longest I have gone without anything is 12 days.
But I am not concerned myself, as I am worried about my mother. I have nothing left for her. If anyone cares mom likes Fuse Banana Colada, golden kiwi, Asian pears, and the yellow mango. I, as I said I have gone 12 days without anything. But I do need my tea.
So mom tonight was very tired, so I just washed her face, brushed her teeth and well her usual beauty treatment. While doing this I sang, as I do. To vocal standards. This is the only music I can actually sing to. After that I just sat their until mom was ready to go in. Which was a little while. I held her hand while she slept a bit.
Of course I just did my usual clean up and than left. I sat at the bus stop and sank into a real funk. I have clients emailing me and wanting to book appointments, but at this time I can not travel that much on the bus. As it is, it hurts to just go to see mom. And the most important part of this is I have absolutely no money and I am begging the bus drivers for rides. And I hate doing this. If I could walk, I would walk. But I can't. One of these days the drivers are just going to say no. And I will be stuck at Riverview. I know I have walked this before but with my leg hurting the way it is and giving out now. I don't think I will get far.
Now about depression. Mom is moving to White Rock and I can't even afford the bus to Riverview. Now White Rock is $5.00 one way and than $2.50 back. I will have to leave at 3pm. So I can have some real time with mom. And then to get back around 11 pm. But I will do this until I die, or I get the PGT to pay for a car. As they should after wasting thousands and thousands of dollars on the companion service.
And the fact I have no phone and I have not done anything in, well since the accident. I only go see mom, everyday. That is my day. Up at 8am and then, well nothing until I go see mom. I have no money to do or go anywhere. I cannot conduct business, as I hurt to much. I have no phone to contact the people at mom's new place and arrange a time to go and speak with them. So my sisters don't give them straight up permission to do what they want to mom.
I have to call ICBC and Translink, a lawyer. Call clients back to arrange another time. call about my disability.
I am getting extremely bored, and seriously depressed. As well as really weak. I don't know what to do during the day. I sit outside and well just sit. I don' have a stereo, so no music. And well I have read everything I have a few times.
I have to take it easy on my leg. And TV is just boring. After all we only have up until channel 28. Just junk on these channels.
I am sitting here all alone, with nothing and knowing nobody. And even if I did know someone to call, no phone, no money to go anywhere.
Their is allot of things and places around here that are interesting. Yet I have to walk to them.
You know what I am just being negative and complaining about nothing. And just going on and on.So I am going to say good night. And drink some tea.
So GOD Bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
