Hello again
OK I am the first person to admit when I am wrong about something. I do it without reservations. So I was wrong about the church not assisting me. They did help me out with some of my bills. I do very much appreciate it. And I didn't even think they would help. I try to be positive, but when it comes to my life I have a tendency to view it in a negative way. This is how I have viewed my life for many years now.
I have been in more accidents than any five people combined, in my life. I don't have just one disease, but three major diseases. And associated disorders that go along with having trauma in one's life. Depression, Anxiety, OCD, extreme stress, insomnia, I need to walk with a cane. And damn it, I was just starting to not use the cane all the time, but this last accident has caused me to have to use the cane all the time again. Even within my own home. Not fun
So here I sit, with nothing to do through my days. I do still apply for work each day,. I walk down to the resource centre. I need to stop many, many times and take a break from walking. Still, if I do get a call for an interview, I don't have the means, this month, to get there and back. Isn't that just grand.
I really need to get out of White Rock for a day here and a day there. Even if I have no money for anything while out and about. As long as I have bus fare, I can bring snacks with me, a drink, tea and water. So all I need is to have bus fare and I can deal with my boredom. Which, in White Rock, is hard to deal with. Nothing to do in this town. The town shuts down at 7 pm, even earlier on the weekends.
So being lonely is very difficult for me. As I have said many times, I can deal with being alone, but being lonely is different.
Last night I could just not write, I was in to much pain. No sleep. I am very tired and hungry. I still need to solve my rent situation.
But my biggest worry is that I will not be able to give my mother a service for her one year anniversary. It is upsetting me, since mom never did get the service she deserved. A memorial service. I am angry at my sister's for canceling the original service and not being responsible enough to even suggest we do this together. Very selfish individuals. They want mom's money but are not willing to part with a bit of it to give their mother something that should of been done just after her passing.
And since we all went to the lawyer and signed all the forms for the will and probate, I haven't heard from them. Of course this was going to happen. Their greed is going to get them. I believe in a GOD of justice. Revenge is my saith the Lord.
I need to go and eat, Plus try to sleep.
|GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
