Hello again
Well today was as stated normal. It was not bad, nothing bad happened, It was OK, During the day nothing exciting happened. I just went to sources and applied for a few more jobs. I checked for mail at my mailbox, for the last time, I will going there tomorrow and turning in the keys. This is not a good thing. The only place where I know my mail was safe and I had access to it 24/7. Unlike where I live, I need to knock on the door of the landlord to even check to see if I have mail. "Is there any mail for me today, Is there any mail for me today, Is there any mail for me today." You see my point. It is aggravating to have to continue to do this daily. I need access to my mail daily. Without having to wait to see if the landlord or his wife are home. I am waiting for two important letters. Now I don't know if they are here or not. The landlord's wife was not around today when I was and when I got home this evening, they were in bed. They go to bed at 9 pm nightly. Anyways, the mailbox was the best place for me to get my mail. I just don't have the minimum 3 months payment. $63.87 with tax. I will have to wait until I have some extra cash to pay for the mailbox again.
I made some calls to see if anything was going right towards my disability application. No answer, they just don't know anything. I have to wait. 2 to 3 months. I called the advocate to see about getting in to speak with her. Needed to leave a message.
I went for a few walks, as well. I can only walk a block or two before I need to sit and take a break.
Now what does one do when they have nothing. No transit fare. I can't leave the White Rock area unless I walk. Again, I can't walk that far. If I stay at home, I will fall asleep. I can only watch so much TV and be on the computer for so long, before I get bored or fall asleep. I need to get out and about. I need fresh air to survive. I can't even sleep without the window being open. Typing is now difficult for me. It hurts my arms to type. So I need to take breaks while typing. I can do 10 minutes without having to take a break.
The good of the day was going over to a friends place and we watched a movie. I didn't have dinner, he usually goes out to eat and really doesn't have manners. As in making a dinner for us both. So my dinner is now in the over. Did that while I was taking a break from typing. The movie was not to bad. A little sad, but enlightening.
I didn't even get back home until 11:15 pm. And got down on my knee's and prayed, as I usually do at that time of night. Yes every night I pray. I pray that I receive a financial miracle. So I can catch up on my rent and pay the rent for next month in full. I am behind. By about $600 dollars. I only get so much a month and can only raise so much each month. Again, the roommate moving out, put me in financial ruin. I look for a new place everyday. It is difficult when you have no funds for anything. I have seen several places cheaper than this place. Still just out of my reach, financially.
So I know all of the above, and am aware of what I can pay each month, for now.
Now the day was normal. I didn't have any bad moments. A little stressed out at times during the day. The pain was just that, pain. It is something I am accustomed too. So normal. Yes I hurt more now, because of this accident, but it is still just pain.
No anxiety attacks today. A good thing.
And if you want to know. I never stop thinking about my mother. But now I don't usually burst into tears when thinking about mom. I still can't talk about her without chocking up and tearing. So I try to avoid this. Yet I can't. I want to but can't. Difficult isn't it.
I realize that there are not allot of people who have gone through what I have needed to deal with over the last 16 years. So people just don't understand what I am going through.
There is only one person left as part of what I consider family. And the cousins moved her and I don't know where they moved her to and they won;t tell me. Isn't that shitty. I think so. This was mom's friend, my great aunt. Who I got along with, who I could talk with. But this is the way my family is. As you know. I am the bad one and I shouldn't speak to my own great aunt.
Really shitty! Shame on them for being like this.
I just want to visit her, bring fresh fruit and snacks to her, and talk about mom. Share some stories.etc,....
There is this women back east that I written about. I finished a letter to her. I just have to write it out. I believe a hand written letter is the way to go for a re introduction. Of sorts.
My thoughts for the day. My actions for the day. What happened to me for the day.
As I stated, Normal. For what normal is according to what my life is like.
Not bad, but not great. I did enjoy visiting my friend and watching a movie.
It is hard to walk around with absolutely no cash at hand.
It is time I eat something
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
https://www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
https://www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
My needs are many, my wants are small
