Hello again
Well I hope everyone had a good Christmas. You know what my Christmas was like. I wish it would of been different. I really do miss Christmas with my mother. I miss decorating her room. Making mom dinner. Watching mom enjoy the entire holiday season. It didn't matter to me if at my own home I only had a Charlie Brown Christmas Tree, with just a set of lights on it. All was good as I was never there, only to sleep, do laundry and cook. Other wise I was at mom's taking care of her.
Christmas was always great.Even this last Christmas.when mom was very ill and dying. I didn't want to believe it, but there was the truth. Yet we did have a good, as it could be, Christmas. Just writing about it is making me extremely sad. I miss my mommy, she was my best friend. I could always trust her for help when I am making a decision on something. Even when mom lost her voice, and everyone sad mom was gone. Meaning that the real Mary Rose Schmuland, was lost to Dementia, I still would get mom's opinion on things. Mom was not lost, she just had a stroke and do to these strokes, she lost her voice. Aphasia. Yet mom was still there, inside and could answer all questions and give a reply.
So my Christmas's were always great. But now I am without my mother and without Christmas. Yes I never received a Christmas gift nor did I have a Christmas dinner. It was never about me, always about making sure mom was having a great time.
This year I just thought, things could be a little different. That I could have a decent Christmas. OK I enjoyed my dinner that I made. Except I was alone, eating alone, watching a movie Christmas day. But and yes there is this big but, I would of liked a gift. I did reach out to different organizations for help. I did write to different shows, trying to win some prizes, I entered many, many contests Yet nothing. I really just wanted my first Christmas without my mother to be a way of helping me move forward,
I wish I wish I wish for something good in my life.
I am behind in my rent and bills, thanks to a roommate moving out. I just can't afford this place. I am trying to find another place to live.I just don't have the funds to move and I am extremely hurt. Moving will be very difficult for me and I don't have the help I need.
I am trying to fined a job, even though my doctors have told me that I can't work, if I do, my neck can get worse. Yet I need to work to survive. The insurance company is not going to help. Even if I am seriously hurt. Yes I can walk, but I am getting tingling throughout my body. And I am going to the hospital tomorrow. I don't care how long I have to sit and wait. I am going. I hate the hospital.
Since I can't lift anything for now, I am changing the direction of my job search. To one where I don't have to lift anything.
This has taken me over an hour to write, many breaks. I am out, I need to eat now.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
#409-15216 North Bluff Road
White Rock, BC
V4B0A7
https://www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
https://www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
