Hello again
Well in a few hours, my time, it is my mother's birthday. I have bought her a card and some flowers. Yes I am crazy or is it that I am not over her passing and this is the first birthday, of hers, that she is not here. The latter is the correct answer. Time goes by, but my heart still misses mom greatly. Mom was my life for many, many years and now, she is no longer with me. I am truly alone. No family. Yes I have two sisters, several cousins an uncle and great aunt. But not a one of them, do I consider family. I hear from not a soul. What a shame it is that they did nothing for mom, and continue to do nothing for anyone but themselves.
A selfish lot, if I may say so. And I do, with pleasure. I forgive them but will never forget. The truth be know, I don't miss any of them. None have been in my life for a very long time. They also want nothing to do with me, either. GOOD
My day was filled with depression. I wanted to get up at 7 am, but due to my depression, I could not even fall asleep until 4 am and slept. I have so many calls to make and feel guilty for not getting up. It is not a good time for me. These are the days I dread. Everyday is a day I don't look forward too. I am trying to get a job to occupy my time, bring in some extra income. Get me out of me. This is the only way I can try to move on. Get out of myself. I will never forget. Each and every holiday, will I celebrate, only for mom. But not for me. I don't have anywhere to go anyways. Again no friends. OK just three friends. I know allot of people, I speak to allot of people. But none are my friends. Just acquaintances.
I don't know anymore about anything. It is days like this that I don't want to be around. And my purpose. Yet to be revealed to me. I thought I was given many skills and abilities through out my time taking care of mom. I had many to start with. Yet, here it is 8 months later and nothing.
I really need a job, now. The roommate screwed me over and now I have the full rent to pay. My income does not cover the rent, let alone bills. Yet I had a job and lost it. Again they decided to go another way. TO OLD, I am. Really!
Even though I slept in, I was able to get to the job bank and send several resumes off today. Back at it again tomorrow. I need to get up early, no matter what. To much to do.
So I say good night to all.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
