Hello again
Today has been not to bad for me. I am OK but still depressed over the loss of my mother. Extremely depressed.
I was in Vancouver today booking an appointment to have this computer fixed. Ever since I used the fix me stick, it is just not working properly. The darn thing wrecked my computer. No updates, other programs stopped working.
I missed my doctors appointment this past Friday and now have to go in and try to get to see him again. This is a new doctor. So I don't know. I have to get up early to go and get some blood work done. Before drinking anything. So after I write this, I will have to not have anything to drink through the night. Fasting they say.
I have so many things to do. After the appointment to fix my computer I am going to the drivers bureau again to take the road sign test. Yes I need to practice this. Take the Online tests.
I am getting very worried. I have so many things to do all at once. It is stopping me cold. Prying eyes is making me not write the way I want. Can't wait.
Now I sit here crying some more. Thinking about mom. I watched a movie the other night. Miracles from Heaven, and I could not stop crying through out the movie. You see I pray everyday. I talk to GOD through out my day. And I don't see any results, nothing guiding me. No action in my life. I am trying. I haven't yet seen my mother. I believe in this. I expect to see her for a visit. But nothing yet. I can understand she doesn't want to come here to visit me. I should of trusted my gut. But no.....
You know, I did do much with my life before taking care of mom. Most would call me a looser. Some would call me lazy. I have been in 8 car accidents in my life. None my fault and I have been injured in 5 of them. Now the greatest thing I have ever done with my life is taking care of and looking after my mother. I can recall nothing more important that I did. Now it is over and I am back to being a looser. I don't have real friends. I haven't been in a relationship in a very long time. I have nothing. I am disabled and hurt all the time, all day and all night. But some say you only walk with a cane, you are not disabled. They don't see the rest. The physical pain, the mental pain that I am in. The emotional and spiritual pain that surrounds me each and every day.The depression that I feel. etc.....
And it is getting worse. I can't even give my mother a memorial service.
I will ask again for your help.
https://www.gofundme.com/ka556fdk please help make this happen for my mother.
I am going now, I need to sleep. I am not in a mood to eat at all. I am gaining weight again and have no idea why. I don't eat allot
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmualand
