Hello again
So now that I have my learners license, I have to find a car to take the road test in. Going to be very difficult.
And back to the no news. I have not seen any of my friends this week. OK so called friends. The one all he wants to do is eat at the same restaurant everyday. Or down at a restaurant on the beach. Been there done that. No more. I am tired of doing that. So I guess I won't be seeing him anymore. And the others live in Vancouver and a married couple. So I don't see them much, anyways.
I thought I had more friends than that. But I was wrong. It is OK though, I don't want to see anyone anyways.
I just want my own place and to just be alone. Yes alone. So I can just be the nobody that I am. I want to have a nice place and not mess it up. Maybe start to date. Yes that would mean I would have to let someone touch me. Which I don't like to be touched by anyone. I don't like to be hugged or to shake hands. I don't like people. If I want to talk to people I can just go out.
I don't have a problem making friends. It is keeping them. That's the problem. I don't put any energy into it. An example. this women named La, was standing by the bus stop by herself. I was across the street. I could of gone over there and got to know her better. We have seen each other on the bus many times and she always smiles at me. I ran into her in the mall one day and she immediately spoke up and said hi, I spoke with her a bit and found out where she works. But I didn't do anything about it tonight. This is what I mean. No energy into making any moves or putting in the time. I just don't want too.
Now my faith. I am not in a place I should be in GOD knows that. I have been doing my part, looking, phoning places. I just thought GOD would guide me or help me in anyway. But no. I am left alone. HE knows I want my own place and HE should be helping me. But no.
So I don't have any faith left. I read the word and pray.
I just wish my mother was still around. I would have a purpose for my life. Now not so much. Nothing will ever beat what I did. So I guess there is no point in even trying.
I am done for tonight
Good night
Kris Schmuland
