Hello again
Well mom is still not eating much for dinner.No reports of mom not being able to eat her lunch. But they would not tell me anyways. The day staff just don't care.
It is as if mom was given something. The way she is eating and being so very tired at dinner time, is the same way mom acted when they gave her the Ativan. Listless, not being able to eat allot.
I am trying to get her to eat. I just tell her all she has to eat is 15 bits and swallow them. Then we get on to dessert.
This mom has been doing, but taking about an hour and a half to do this, including dessert. It is a patient process. Sometimes the food just comes out of her mouth. I give her plenty to drink while she is eating. To help her swallow. This helps out. But not completely.
I am going to try to speak with her doctor. Try is the word. I have only spoken with them once in the 4 years mom has been there. Not a very good track record.
I checked tonight is mom's back is all bruised up. This is a sign that her skin is deteriorating. And breaking down. As most people who are on their last legs, there back is all black and blue.
Mom's back and skin are fine. But I need her to eat more than she is. Again it is like someone has been giving her something, or given her something.
They just don't seem to get it. One day mom was fine and the very next day this started to happen.
When it comes to the medication and the staff being truthful to me, it is highly suspect. I just don't trust any of the nurses or day staff.
Well mom's room is as decorated as I can get it to be. I don't have anymore money to decorated anymore. The tree is up, the lights are on. I have pictures on the wall and everything else that has been in the boxes.
If this is going to be mom's last Christmas, I really want to go all out with the decorations for her room. Can anyone please help me to give mom the best Christmas every. I need it to be. If this might be her last.
I have to get her eating habit changed, She is so tired. All she wants is her spa treatment. And thanks to Karen Bajwa, Gail Anderson/Schmuland and Marilyn Hamon. The latter are mom's daughters. I will not be able to give her this nightly treatment after the end of this month, maybe half way through January. I need to picket the PGT. This is the one thing that makes mom's day, each and everyday.
No one see's the smile, contentment, the peace, the relaxation that I see on mom's face and through out her body. It is beautiful and calming to me as well.
And these are the same daughters who took the picture of mom's husband off of the wall and took it home with them. Yet they keep saying they don't take her clothing or anything else. They didn't see mom crying each night. They weren't the one's wiping the tears from her eye's.
I was!
I may call them low and what they did even lower. But don't get me wrong. I don't think myself to be special by any means. I am just a son who is trying to do the right thing by his mother. To take care of her the way she took care of her family, when we were in need.
That is all. Other than that, I am nothing. A nobody. I don't think I am special or a big shot. As they think I act like. No not at all.
I have nothing, I gladly give up boots to prevent my feet getting wet, as they have been lately. But oh well. Mom needs thing more than I do. Or a warm winter jacket. Mom needs things. I will just put more things on. Layer up. And I can handle a wet foot. No big deal.
As long as my mother gets to have her nightly spa treatment I am fine with what I have.
All my entertainment is on this laptop. I have no TV or stereo. I would like a TV and stereo. But mom is first and I am last.
People still can't believe I travel all this time to take care of mom. It does and doesn't bother me. I want to live out there, I need to live out there. Yet I will keep doing what I am doing, no matter what. Time goes by. Yes I have thing I am working on. They are getting done slowly. That is OK as well. Yes I could use all the time that I spend traveling to be there more for mom and to finish off one important thing I am working on.
To be honest here. I don't like Christmas and haven't in a very long time. I love decorating mom's room for her, I love cooking a Christmas dinner for her. I love just being with her Christmas Eve and Christmas day, so mom can enjoy herself. Knowing that she is loved.
But I leave mom's place Christmas Eve and come back to nobody and nothing. And I come back Christmas day to nobody and nothing. No Christmas dinner or presents. I don't even know what a Christmas dinner is like anymore. It has been over 12 years since I had a Christmas dinner. I think even longer. I don't even know what a present is. Again over 12 years since I received a gift for Christmas or my birthday. Which I don't even acknowledge, anymore.
This time of the year is a very lonely time of year for me. I see all the families doing there thing. Parties, well I don't care about parties.,. I am so use to being alone on these days.
I spend 4 hours Christmas Eve with mom and the same Christmas day. But again. I leave and know I will be getting back to nothing. A dark and lonely place. A place I just don't want to be. A place where nothing works right. No friends. Ok I have no time for friendships. Really I don't And I am so use to being alone, I really don't know if I could even handle being with anyone.
But it is a very lonely and depressing time of the year for me. I want to do so much for mom, but I don't have what it takes, financially to do this.
I am broke and my cupboards are bare. I am not even hungry most of the time. As it is tonight. I have nothing, but I want nothing. Part of my depression.
I just don't give a crap about myself, as long as mom has a great Christmas, I don't care what happens to me.
Because of this last bus incident, I am left with 3 cracked ribs and a cracked sternum. I just can't make this stuff up.
I JUST WANT TO LIVE CLOSER TO MOM.Especially now that his is going on with her
Please help me, help mom out, by giving her a great Christmas.
GOD bless and goodnight
Kristopher Schmuland
