Hello again
GOD is lost to me or I am lost to GOD. Either way I am not feeling it anymore. If there were a GOD I would be living in White Rock already. Not stuck here in Coquitlam, not wanting to be here. Living in a room. Doing everything in a room. Contemplating life, watching life go by. The room is my dinning room, my office, my living room. All wrapped into a room, that is getting smaller by the day. I have everything packed. Mostly.
I use to get feelings and if I went along with what I felt, things would work out. Now my feelings are all wrong. I don't trust my gut feelings anymore.
I am becoming illiterate by the day. This could be due to not having meaningful conversations throughout my day. Or at all.
I think mom might of had anther small stroke. She is drooling more often than before. And of course there is no doctor to see if this actually happened. Or to have an x-ray of her left shoulder. or her chest. I say mom is coughing more often, they say they have not witnessed it. I say I want an x-ray of her chest done. They say we will monitor it and will see if it warrants it.
These are the things I want done right away. Not when something goes wrong. Tonight mom was tired and listless, drooling all over her right side. Leaning to the right. And no bib on her,
I made what I could for her dinner this evening. She ate allot of it. But wanted to wait until the served dinner came. Of course they were really behind on getting dinner to the residents. I had to go and check on mom's dinner three times before it was ready. Mom only ate half of it, but she was not wanting anymore of the fish I made for her. So she decided to wait until I brought back the served dinner for her.
After it was the usual, brush her teeth, give her the nightly spa treatment etc.......
Well we finished really early. And I was in no hurry to get back here. If it was hot out I would of just slept on the beach. I hate being here. So after finishing early, Mom grabbed for my hand and I stayed much latter this evening. Just standing there holding her hand.
I need to go I am not sleeping. If you call waking up every two hours sleep. Then I guess I am sleeping.
Kristopher Schmuland
