Hello again
Today has been an extremely difficult day. I have been trying everything to get something happening and today I was screwed by my doctor..
Before I go on with that I just got off the phone with the crises line and that was a waste of my time. I was even blown off by them.
I feel that I am not even speaking English when having a conversation with allot of people. I speak and they give me a blank look. As if I am speaking to a wall. I am stressed out and not doing well. I tried to speak with person at the crises line and she tells me that she has to let me go now and have a good evening. Hope everything works out for you. WHAT THE FUCK was that about.
So I have seen an advocate concerning my application for disability, We get this done and she tells me that all the doctor has to do is read it and sign it. That she did everything for him. The ministry has certain wording that they require and this is what the advocate did.
I took the document to the doctors today, thinking, great one step closer now to getting what I need. I wait and then tell the doctor I need him to read this and sign it. Well the doctor tells me he needs to review it. It is one page for him to read. I can't do it now, he tells me. It is one page I say. It says in the letter that you have this. I didn't write that he tells me. I say it is in the original letter that is attached to this document. Well it says severe. I just said you have osteoporosis in your knee's,not severe osteoporosis. This is an appeal and is time sensitive. I ask how long will it take him. He tells me a month. No good to me then. I will have to start all over.
I then bring up not being able to hear anyone behind me. It is freaking me out. He tells me I need to get my hearing tested. I did and you have a copy of what the doctors findings. I was turned down by the ministry and the only way to get hearing aids is to get on disability. Which you are stopping from doing.
I don't have $5000 dollars for hearing aids. And my hearing is getting worse. I am essentially deaf from hearing behind me. It is freaking me out, I am now, constantly having to turn around to see if there is anyone behind me.
Examples: The nurse walks in, my back is turned away from the door. I turn around and there she is, standing there. I didn't hear her open the door and come in. A blind women was behind me tapping her cane and I didn't hear her until she was beside me. A scooter came up behind me and I didn't hear it until it was beside me and the women yelling excuse me, didn't you hear me. No I said. This women, walking loudly, didn't hear her until she was beside me. People at mom's home talking to me from behind. I don't hear them. Part of loosing my hearing.
I have told the doctor what conditions I have and he says how do I know this. I say it is in my medical records. Well I don't have time to read everyones files. Then today he finds some records from 2008 from a psychiatrist saying that I have problem but I can still be a part of society..
That was 7 years ago and allot of things have happened since then. Two car accidents, my father passing away, mom getting worse. And my depression deepening. Speaking of depression. I should of been diagnosed with clinical depression long ago. It has been 20 years that I have felt this way. I have taken all sorts of anti-depressants and nothing has helped. High doses of medication. Nothing. I have seen a shit load of psychiatrists, psychologists, counselors and still feeling it.
I have an opportunity for housing in White Rock, but I am not 55 or over, Yet I can get in since I am disabled. But I need to be on disability to qualify, if I am under 55. Subsidize housing
These are but a few of my problems. I have a shit load of them. 20 years in the making. I have not even had a relationship in that long. Really. And I don't remember the last time I had an actual conversation with someone. That didn't involve them telling me everything bit of their problems. Another example. I know the bus driver on the way home tonight. As soon as he started to drive away for the station, he started telling me all about his problems I know so much about allot of these drivers and other people. I never say anything to anyone about what has been said to me. This is the way it is always. Everyone telling me all about their problems. I don't even get to say anything about what I am dealing with.
Anyways, there is a gasterol infection going through the home where mom is. They have everyone in there wings and the doors to those wings are closed. And mom was in bed. Though she is not sick, they still had her in bed. Another REALLY. She ate well and had her desserts without any problems. We will see if mom is in bed tomorrow. Not liking it. Mom does not need to be in bed if she is not sick.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
