Hello again
Today it will be two days that mom has been in bed. And once again. They do not even leave the music on for her, nor the TV. I complained this evening. And complained that they are still putting mom 's laundry into the homes laundry bin. I have to go dig through everyone's dirty laundry to find mom's. Come on now, I could catch something. I don't know what the other residents have.
Some have cancer and are on heavy dangerous drugs that get on their clothing.
Besides this, mom is doing fine. Stable. Yesterday, mom did not eat any breakfast or lunch. They didn't understand why. They asked me to take it easy on mom to allow her to chew her food. She got sick again yesterday morning. That is why she was in bed. They just don't get it. It takes however long it takes for mom to finish eating, when I feed her. That is how long it takes. I don't rush her at all. Do I need to repeat myself over and over again. Yet mom ate everything that I brought her to eat.
Well tonight, mom finished her dinner early. And the care aid was not even going to come until after 6:30. I changed her nightgown and wanted to change her sheets, but her diaper needed to be changed before I did everything else. I went and found out who was on mom's ward and it was some guy. I don't think so. I just told the nurse that I am going to change mom. I want to changed her sheets and I just want it done. Not the first time I changed her and won't be the last. I was completely done, with everything by the time the guy came to see if I needed help. Done I said, done. But thank you.
So tonight mom was just tired. Not only did they not put anything on for mom to entertain herself with, they didn't even give her anything to drink. Again I know how thirsty mom is. As soon as I get their mom wants something to drink immediately. And she consumes allot.
I have been thinking about allot of things lately. One being I will never hold a baby that is of my own flesh and blood. I am nothing and what women would want to be with someone like me.
Alcohol ruined my life. My 20's were straight. I managed to get an education and I worked in that field; for awhile. In the states. I came back, early 30's and started to drink. It didn't take long for me to become an alcoholic and ruined everything I was involved with, everyone, and all plans for my life. Let's face it, it is in your 20's and 30's that one's goals start to come together. You meet the right person, fall in love and have children, get a house etc.............. Not when you are an alcoholic though. It is all about the drinking, at least it was for me. And I couldn't keep a relationship together long enough. I just wanted to drink and smoke pot. And I lost the only person that I truly loved because of my drinking and smoking pot. She left and went back east, she even would of come back if I would of went and got her. To busy in my last few years of drinking.
I have been clean for many years now. Many, over a decade now. Yet I still can't seem to get it together. I do, however suffer from severe depression. I tell you that if it were not for my looking after my mother. I don't know.
I do know that taking care of my mother is the best thing I have ever done. And looking after her is what is keeping me going.
Now I am just a complete looser. That is the way I feel anyways. I can't even manage to find a place closer to my mother. I have no money to do this I am stuck in this pit and am trapped and can't seem to get out.
That is my pity.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
