Hello again
Last night I couldn't sleep. Just kept waking up every hour. fall asleep, wake up. Then just sit on the edge of the bed wondering why I am up. I am a train wreck today. Dropping everything, can't even hold onto the fork to feed mom.
Now mom was very impatient today. I can only move so fast, I said to her. I am trying to get your dinner ready. But not quick enough. This happens. Mom wanted it right now. No waiting. She was even banging her hand on the arm rest of her chair. Just wanted me to hold her hand. She kept reaching out for my hand.
I did the best that I could. As quick as I possible could, without dropping everything.
Finally we go to the dinner. I made her the big salad she loves. I call it the rose salad. Everything in it. I haven't made this for her, since before Christmas. I usually make it once a month. It is very healthy for her and me. No matter how hard I try, it is always a large bowl full. We have it for three days. I mean we both have plates full of this salad. And I use the last of it as a stir fry.
Well mom ate all of the salad I brought and a large papaya, plus the other dessert. I am trying to cut down mom's eating habits. She has gain 14 lbs in the last two months. Okay, Christmas is the time everyone gains some weight. But the last month, as mentioned, mom was eating both meals. The one I brought and the served meal. So that needs to stop. To unhealthy for her.
The plan is, if she likes what I bring, that is her meal. If not, the served dinner is what I feed her. I just need to put the served dinner to the side. Otherwise it gets thrown out. It is that time of the year to get healthy again. Loose some weight gained over the winter.
Since here in Vancouver, we don't seem to even have a winter. Breaking records almost daily. The hottest in Canada for a few days in a row.
I hope it doesn't get to hot. My shorts are packed up and I have no idea where and in what box. I thought I was going to be living in White Rock by now. RIGHT!
Now, mom has been watching the news while I feed her. Tonight, though, as soon as dinner was done, mom wanted the music on and for me to get her ready for bed. I did this as quickly as possible. We had to weight for the care aid to come and put her into bed. I put a blanket on her and just held her hand, singing to her.
The LPN came in and gave mom her nightly medication before the care aid came. Even at this time, mom was asleep. The LPN had a hard time getting mom to take the medication. I was able to get mom to take it. Then we waited some more. By the time the care aid came in, mom was almost in a deep sleep. And when I came back in, mom was ready for the spa treatment. After I adjusted her pillow and bed. A big stretch and back to sleep she went. I think she slept through the entire spa treatment. Didn't open her eye's once. But smiled.
I just quickly packed up and spent the rest of the time just standing there holding her hand, singing to her. As she smiled and slept.
I love singing to mom. It makes mom feel good and myself as well. I am getting better all the time.
I have not been able to stop thinking about this women I loved and she moved away. I know she loved me as well. It has been a little over 10 years now since I have seen her. I don't know why, all of a sudden I started thinking about her again. And it has been days since she has been on my mind. I thought I was over her. I do wonder how she is doing, what she is up too. Nothing else. I can't even take care of myself. Let alone have someone in my life. I am a mess and nobody deserves to be around me, right now. Maybe never. I don't want to date.
I have one goal and that is to move to White Rock. I don't need much to fill an apartment. I mostly have everything I need for a one bedroom place. There is only a few things I need. A kitchen table being one of them, coffee table, end tables. And the small things. A mop and broom, dust pan etc.....
Enough! I am getting angry now. My stress level is extremely high right now. And it gets this way, the closer I get back to Coquitlam each night.
Now mom is doing fine. Steady, no major changes.
I am going now, I really need to get some sleep. I already feel that I am loosing it. Lack of sleep will not help with that.
Pray, please.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland\
Oh, I am waiting to see another neurologist for a second opinion.
