Hello again
I would like to continue from last night, briefly.
Now alcoholism is not a disease, in my opinion. No one forced me to drink or smoke pot. No one forced me to ruin my life. No, it was just me who did this. I was the one who couldn't put down the beer or stop smoking excessive amounts of pot. And yes pot is bad for you. Take it from me. I had allot going for me, then I decided to start drinking again. I new when I was a teenager that I was one of those individuals who had an obsessive personality. But I didn't listen to myself. Instead I went about systematically destroying my life.
So who is to blame for this. First I blame no one for destroying my life and ending up a complete looser, as I am. It was just me. Of my own making. I don't blame the girl for leaving me and moving back east to be with her sister. And when I wrote what women would want to be with me. On the surface they would think. he is attractive, but once they found out I am a nobody and don't have anything. They would go screaming and running away in the opposite direction from where ever it is I am. Trust me on this one. I have experienced it first hand. And every woman my age wants nothing to do with me, besides saying hello or give me a smile.
So no one is to blame for my mess but myself!
Mom was looking very good today. Big smile for all and just happy to see me. It seems mom likes to eat in her room, As she is out with the rest of the residents and it is noisy. She just wants to eat with peace and quite. I understand. That is the way we always ate are meals. At the table with no TV, maybe some music. Who am I kidding. No music. Dad didn't like music, for some strange reason. Mom did and so did I. Not even my mother's daughters.
This we did and have been doing. After I got her ready for bed, the care aid came in and put her into bed and changed her. Then it was the spa treatment for mom. The full deal. With a smile on her face.
Mom is doing fine. Look I am not in denial about mom and her condition. I have been there through it all. Everything. From not being able to use the phone to her in the wheelchair. I have been there for her through both hip operations.
I know what is happening, but I choose not to let it get to me. Mom needs someone strong, to be their for her. To put all of what is happening aside and just concentrate on making sure that life is enjoyable for her. That she gets nutritious meals. That she is treated well and there is someone out there who is going to advocate for her. Who am I kidding, fight for her rights.
All said and done. I may think of myself as a looser. But I am there for my mother. No one else is. No one else even visits her. I am not a visitor. I am part of her daily routine.
I AM THERE FOR HER
I am out
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
