Hello again
I arrived early again and mom was tired. When we went to her room, she wasn't as thirsty as she usually is. Mom did drink, but just wanted to go and have dinner. Knowing the sooner that was taken care of, the sooner I can get to bed and have my spa treatment.
Mom did eat, not that much at all, Just going by what she normally and can eat. It is okay though. Sometimes we are hungry and sometimes we are not hungry at all. I have many of those day's, These days I force myself to eat. I find eating very annoying. Yes I love to cook. Yet it is time consuming and I would rather not eat. I just eat as that is the only way I will stay alive.
We went back to mom's room, I got her changed and put her into bed. I was just going to start the spa treatment when the care aid came in to change mom. I went to the washroom and made some hot water for my tea.
Then when I returned I asked mom if she wanted the whole spa treatment and this she said yes to. Very clearly. That is just what she received.
And it was time for mom to sleep. I held her hand until I started to fall asleep myself, standing there. Then I knew it was time for me to go. I still had to pick mom up some things.
I got home and needed to do some laundry as well. So much for me getting home and going to bed after I downloaded somethings and wrote this today.
You know I have had some close medical scares in the last several years. Thought I had a heart attack, anxiety. Had a minor one. Doctors thought maybe I had cancer, just a viral infection lowering my white blood cell count. But now, Parkinson's. The neurologist can't tell by CT, MRI scans, Even the other test are not conclusive. But this is what he tells me I have. He doesn't have any other reason why I have a resting tremor in my right hand. Doesn't seem to be any other neurological problems. No nerve damage from the accident.
So piss me off.
I have a dream
Not a large dream
But a simple dream.
To live close to my mother
To be there more often
To do more for her
Let her feel the fresh air
Have a nice lunch
Just a simple dream'
Is it to much to ask
I think not.
I yearn to be living out their.
I do have larger dreams.
But they are only wants
or desires
or wishes
Money is evil
When you have none
And you need more
It would solve some
of my problems
Yet not solve the
problem of me.
Not the greatest, but it just came to me, so I had to write it down.
I am packed, except for the clothing I wear on a regular basis'. And a few drawers of things I use everyday. Socks, etc.........
I struggle to get by. I pray my simple prayer. I really can't afford allot, There is no one willing to give me a simple break. My add on Craigslist explains my plight and why I wish to move. Or should I say, why I need to move.
I will say again, that the most important thing in my life is to make sure my mother is treated well and gets the best care. This is includes myself taking care of her. Doing everything I can to make her life better.
Everything else can come after. Actually, the only thing keeping me together is me taking care of my mother. I feel at times I am loosing it.
Well please pray or something. I could really use some help of some kind. It has been a very long time since I have had a sit down conversation with someone, over coffee, and not spoken about looking after a loved one. This is what my conversation are about. It seems the only people I know are going through what I am going through, with the PGT, the care homes, the nurses, the care aids etc......... etc............. They phone to get advice from me, since I have been doing this for over a decade now. Have researched many different topics.
Okay I am done again for tonight. Back tomorrow.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
