Hello again
I just need a simple break. A wish come true. Someone to call and say I have a place for you. I do this for my mother. Please understand this. I do it to be closer to her and to be able to have her over for dinner.
If I wasn't looking after my mother. My life would be over. I have nothing and no one. Not even friends. They are long gone. I don't even have conversations with anyone. Not in a very long time. I don't have time, I am extremely stressed out. I hate coming back here at night. I can see my stress level rising the closer I get to here. In Coquitlam.
Okay I speak with people, but it is actually them telling me their life story and all of their problems. They do ask how I am doing. But as soon as I answer, it doesn't matter what I say. They are right into telling me their problems. I do listen and try to assist them. If they ask. But it is just for them to be able to tell someone. Get it off of their chest. This happens all the time. I know so much about so many people. Their secrets. They trust me enough to tell me what is going on with them and their families. I never say anything to anyone about what is said. It is between myself and the individual who is telling me their problems. Or just telling me about their lives.
I never say anything to anyone about what is told to me. Trust. They trust me enough to tell me, I keep it to myself. And no that is not a conversation.
Over the last several days mom has been very tired. Today was the first day that mom was more awake than she has been since her dental appointment. A very good thing. Except I had to leave a little early to get to the pharmacy to pick up my medications. And mom did n't ant me to go, she wasn't ready for me to leave just yet. As I was getting ready to go, she kept reaching out her hand for me to hold. I mentioned to her the why of me having leave early. But it didn't matter. She just wanted me to stay. Mom wasn't ready to go to sleep just yet. This is when I mentioned that this is why I need to be living out here. Why I wanted so badly to find a place that I can afford. So I can stay as long as she likes. Instead of having to leave early, because I have 3 hours of transit before I get back to where I stay.
It really pisses me off. I am so tired of people saying to me, GOD will bless you, GOD will find you a place. WHERE IS IT, WHEN. I HAVE ONLY BEEN LOOKING, PLACING ADDS FOR OVER 3 YEARS NOW. AND NOTHING.
So mom just pulled her hand in and closed her eye's. She still tried to get me to stay. I really wanted too. I didn't want to leave. I don't like to go until mom is asleep.
You know I have nothing, I pray all the time for mom's health and other's health. I read the Bible daily. I only ask for a simple thing. A place close to mom that I can afford. Nothing else. I need all sorts of things for a household. I can get that over time and from someone. There is always furniture that one can find. I don't need anything,Well I do need household items. But I am saying I don't need anything major. I don't need a car, I don't need brand new furniture. I do have a few wants, but who doesn't. I just would like an affordable place close by to mom. Really is that to much to ask for. There are those of you who thinks that I don't deserve anything. That I am taking advantage of my mother. That I am a complete loser. A shouldn't get any help from anyone. Well let me tell you this. I don't get help from anyone and I have never received help from anyone, The entire time I have looked after dad and mom and now mom. I do what is necessary to get by. I do what is necessary to get mom all that she deserves.
Now I fed mom in her room tonight. She doesn't like all the noise. And being alone. Since she doesn't vocalize her speech as we do, no one bother's with her. I talk to her almost nonstop. I ask her questions, I get answers. She speaks to me, I try to understand her. I get most of it. I read her. Her eye's, read her lips, Her body language.
Mom ate very well tonight. Until it started coming out of her. When mom is getting full, her chewing slows down.
And because it is a certain care aid on this evening, I can't put her to bed myself. Or she will tell the nurse. Other's don't have a problem with this. It saves them time, because all they have to do is change her diapers and clean her. I do the rest.
So I just held her hand, while we waited for the care aid to come in. She was on time. And we got the full spa treatment done early. Again, when we were done, I packed up as quick as I could, so I could spend more time just being there with mom, holding her hand before I left.
While feeding her dinner, I had turned the TV on and mom was watching this show, we like, called Mantracker. She was really into it. It is great that she enjoys some TV shows.
Well I need to finish. I am really tired myself and very stressed out.
I will continue to thank GOD for mom's health. Just in case. And continue to bless all of you at the end of each Blog. As I have always done.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
