Hello again
I will start by saying this today. If you are about to place you loved one in a home. Please DON'T TRUST ANYTHING THEY SAY. ONLY TRUST YOUR SELF.
I have been dealing with and have researched and read as much as I could get my hands on about Alzheimer's and Dementia. Elder Abuse and treatment for this disease, over the last 10 or so years.
I have been around many homes and institutions and have been witnessed to many things, many deaths. That I feel could of been prevented if attention was given to the individual.
I ask if you can watch Frontline PBS Life and death in assisted living. I am working on downloading it and when I finish watching it I will comment on it. Or comment while I am watching it. It is an old episode, but worth the watch.
I ran into an old pastor from the church I use to attend. He told me that I am still a part of that family. I stated that since I left the church I don't feel part of that family or any family. I feel isolated and alone. In fact the only connection I have to anyone on this planet. Is with my mother. There is not a single individual out their, and I am serious, whom I have any kind of connection with. I am truly alone on this planet.
Yes it a pity me time tonight. That is OK, I can write this anyway I wish. I am sure that their are a few of you that read all of what I write and I do thank you. And maybe wait to see what I write next. I just imagine that this could be so. And if so, I write what I am feeling and/or am thinking this very moment. Sometimes I write the blog through out the day. Well I do mostly write this during the day. I do this in my head and remember mostly what I want to write
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Mom tonight was very tired and it is unusual for a Thursday. My depression is stopping me from calling the home and getting mom moved. I go to bed late and get up and have to get ready to leave right away. I am up and out of the house within 1 1/2 hours of getting up. And I have limited time on my phone. Excuses, excuses.
I am upset that I can't make mom meals that are nutritious for her. I do what I can and I do try. I picked her up and double cheeseburger today for dinner. She ate all of this plus some of the dinner the home served to her. I wish I could do more.
I would love to make her home made chili or pasta sauce. I just can't afford it. And the PGT tells me that they won't help, as the home feeds her. Really, this guy has never seen the stuff they serve to the residents. Or even where the food comes from.
I will say that mom knows exactly what she wants. She lets me know, when she is done and it is time for her nightly spa treatment. She places her hand on my face and rubs it. This is her sign that she wants me to give her the spa treatment.
I have no idea what I am going to give mom for dinner tomorrow/today. Maybe an omelet again. I have nothing else.
I know it is not what I bring her, it is the fact that I am their with her that matter's. But to me, making her something nice for dinner each night, is very important to me. I feel guilty if I don't do this for her. She eats enough of the crap their, as it is.
What I need is to move to White Rock, this is my wish.
GOD bless and good night.
Kris Schmuland
