Hello again
It seems no one likes what I am writing. Oh well. The truth hurts. And this is what I feel and think.
So my wish for this year.
I would like to have an actual Christmas this year. With all the trimmings, dinner, presents for mom and myself. The appies etc......
It would be nice for a change I usually don't even care if I have a Christmas dinner or not. As long as I am with mom on Christmas day, is all that I cared about over the past decade.
But this year I would, for a change, like the full deal. I have missed this.
This is why I am cynical about people. I asked a simple thing. To send cards to mom. I know it is not Christmas yet. But!
I know the difference between wants and what I actually need. And I do need somethings. A winter coat. A new printer. ( I want to print photo's of mom.) Not with the printer I have. I am out of colour ink and the black is almost gone. And it is to expensive to replace the ink.
Mom deserves the full deal as well. Allot of presents under her tree. The candy, chocolates, the appies etc.... She will get a dinner. As I purchased a Cornish Hen a few weeks away. And I have the stuffing. I just need the Brussel Sprouts and gravy. The rest the home will have.
Yes I ask for help, but never get it. I do everything for my mother by myself, with no help from anyone at all. No family member even lifts a hand to do anything for mom.
I am single, no wife, no kids, no girlfriend and no friends to speak of. I am a nice person. I do no harm to anyone. I am good to my mother and to all the other residents at mom's place. People will tell me everything about their lives. Personal information. And it never leaves me. I know allot about allot of people. Private and that is the way it stays.
I fight for everything for mom. I do what is needed for her. I travel 3 hours each way, and everyday to see her. I have not missed a single day visiting her in many years now. Mom counts on me to be their and that is exactly what I do.
To ask for some help, what is wrong with that. I don't get it anyway. I now bring mom's laundry home with me and do it here. So nothing gets ruined.
I try to do the right thing everyday. I am kind to strangers.
So me asking for something is not a wrong thing to do. It is the right thing to do. I have nothing, and no one seems to give a crap. I am lonely, scared at times. Not having a clue what is going to happen next.
Going to see and look after mom, keeps me going in life. Otherwise, who knows.
Stranger try to be my friend. But I am so down on myself, that I just won't try. Yes their are others who are worse off then me. They get gifts for Christmas. Allot of them have somewhere to go for dinner.
A simple wish is for mom and I to have a great Christmas this year.
My father passed away 5 years ago this Christmas. This is hard on mom, especially, Her husband of 60 years. And it is also hard on me, as well. All mom has is me, and I am sure she gets sick of me sometimes. But no matter what I am their to hold her hand each and every night, while she falls asleep.
Yes I want allot of things, who doesn't. I could use a few things, to make my life easier and better.
Like a large monitor and speakers, to attach to my laptop. My eye's are getting worse and my hearing is getting worse as well.
Mom needs some winter clothing, another comforter and duvet cover. Many Christmas cards wold also be nice. I spoil her and it is the way it should be.
That is my Christmas bitch.
Now tonight I could only afford to bring mom a couple of McDonald's burgers. Mom ate and enjoyed both of them, plus she ate her other dinner. Mom has a good appetite. And that is great.
I got their just at 5 Pm when it was dinner. I had to get my flu shot and then wait 15 minutes afterwards in case something went wrong. Which made me late in my books.
Today, mom's roommate had her family get together. That was nice. But this made her really tired. Which is good. When it was time for me to leave, mom's roommate was fast asleep. So I turned out the lights and her TV. Except I left the Christmas tree lite. And mom's music playing. Not loud. Just so mom could hear it.
The nurse gave mom her medicine early, so this helped mom to fall off to sleep easier and quicker. I stayed longer and held mom's hand, until I knew she was asleep. I sang our good night song before I turned everything off. So as not to disturb her while she was falling asleep.
Hopefully mom gets a good night sleep this night. It is her bath day tomorrow and she will be in bed when I arrive to see her.
Mom is great and I am glad I have this opportunity to take care of her.
So pray, don't pray. Help, don't help. Whatever. It is only Christmas time. The season of giving.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
