Hello again
Mom, Mary, was and is still aggressive. She is slapping me more and more lately.
Mom just wants to go to bed, when I arrive, She motions with her hands, by rubbing my face with her hand. It seems mom is associating me with the spa treatment. And just wants to go to bed when I arrive. I will have to do something about this. I had a feeling.
Moving to White Rock will solve this problem. By doing more during the day with her. I will continue to feed her dinner and put her to bed.
More and more people are telling me I will be blessed and are saying to me that I should be living in White Rock, that it is such a long trip for you.
Again I say, if I were to be blessed, I would prefer it to be now, so I can do more for mom. And moving to White Rock is my biggest goal. I am just having a very hard time, due to my limited income. And the possibilities of finding a place that I can afford are very few.
Even moving into a shared accommodation, in White Rock, is expensive.
I want to say that I don't need emotional help, psychological help or spiritual help. I am OK with this. OK I do get depression issues. After all, I saw my grandfather and father pass away from this disease. And watching mom change over these years. This would make one have depression issues. Which in turn gives one some psychological issues as well.
My main and biggest issue is finances. I don't have any.
So I go along doing what I can, feeling useless, not being able to do more for mom. Knowing that her condition is changing.
I am completely aware of the changes she has and will go through. I am excepting of them. But never the less, it hurts allot. Watching mom become completely dependent on others.
I really don't know what to do about my financial problems. I spend so much time traveling to see mom. I can't work because of disabilities. I have this disease that makes me dizzy and I fall over a fair bit. But I don't end up on the ground, I stop myself before that happens, and is causing me to loose my hearing. Meneire's disease. There is no cure for this.
This is on top of everything else that seems to be wrong with me.
But I love mom and no matter what happens with me. I will continue to go to see mom and be their for her.
Mom is going to need more and more help. Well actually, I think this is about it. She is already dependent on everyone for everything;...
Helping her is everything to me.
I am now just not really with it. I had allot to say, but being in allot of pain today is making me tired.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
